53: How to break free from self doubt and become a radiant rebel with Amy Schadt

[00:00:00] Rosie: Hello? Hello. And welcome to episode 53. I feel like these episodes are just flying out. Now. I am being so organized. This is the third episode I have edited this week. I am considering increasing my release schedule, but we'll see how we go. Before we dive into the episode. I want to read how to refute that.

[00:00:20] I caught. That really made me laugh. The title of the review is Hippocratic oath of smart goals. And this is what the review says. Hi, Rosie. Congratulations on 50 podcast episodes. It's been a goal you set out and achieved. It's been awesome to hear the stories of your many connections. I just wanted to highlight that as a previous postgraduate student of yours, I'm pretty sure. I can recall some content taught or supported by you. Running through smart goals in one of our early subjects. Either way we can both be smart and realize how as an over an achiever, it's really unhelpful to follow this model.

[00:01:03] Cheers. Looking forward to the next 50. Well, thank you grant for calling me out on my bull crap. For context, I used to lecture at a university. I was subject coordinator and grant took one of these subjects, not when I was teaching it, but some of my content was still in there. And guess what? I encouraged students to use smart goals. Ill what a fucking hypocrite.

[00:01:26] I hate that shit grant called me out on it. And guess what? Yeah. Anybody gave me four stars. But at least he is honest. He wrote it with integrity.. And if you still feeling a little bit lost, go back and listen to episode 50, because in there I have a bit of rev Brant about goal setting and how smart goals are just a pile of crap. If you don't know what smart goals are, don't bother Googling them. They're shit don't ever use them.

[00:01:52] So

[00:01:52] please,

[00:01:52] Rosie: If you haven't already give me a rating and review you go to thepursuitoffreedom.com.au/reviews. That's the easiest way you can do it. And also make sure you're following the podcast because less than 10% of you are following outrageous. All right, let's roll the intro.

[00:02:09] G'day, and welcome to the Pursuit of Freedom podcast. I'm your host, Rosie Burrows, and I'm on a journey to find my freedom so that I can help you do exactly the same. Join me each week as I share the stories of everyday people who've found their own path to freedom.

[00:02:27] I'm not going to focus on job titles and accolades because I don't care about that stuff. And neither should you. I want to uncover what truly makes you tick. Who are you when you step away from society's expectations and follow your heart? I still haven't figured it out yet. Have you? Either way, buckle up because it's going to be one hell of a ride.

[00:02:52] Welcome to the Pursuit of Freedom podcast. It's an overcast and rainy day here in Perth. I am stuck in a caravan park while I wait for my van to be prepared, but I'm very excited to talk to Amy Schadt today. It's going to be a good one. I'm not going to give a rundown of who you are and what you do. I sometimes start with that but I kind of want to dive into who are you and let's go back, let's go back, just a small question right, um, to maybe you as a child and what were you like back then and then bring us to the present day because you're a pretty cool person.

[00:03:30] Amy: Oh, thank you, Rosie. Uh, yes, hello everybody. Who am I? Wow. I think I've been pretty consistent in my life from being a little girl, uh, having that, um, need for freedom, having that need for physicality, having that need to like really. Shine and laugh and be authentic and really having that need to not be, uh, fit into a box, right?

[00:04:02] Rosie: Right. Yeah.

[00:04:03] Amy: Luckily, um, I grew up in, you know, seventies, so we were pretty free range. We were out and about,

[00:04:15] you know, and as a kid we didn't do dresses and all that very often. My mom didn't really, um, make us do many things like that. And we went to many alternative schools So we did not have a traditional education as young

[00:04:28] Rosie: people.

[00:04:29] Amy: I, I felt really free on many levels. I had, um, sisters who we were, you know, to my middle sister and I were like, to get, you know, we're always together.

[00:04:42] And so I really felt, um, that sense of freedom. I was a dancer, athlete, gymnast, anything physical. I was into it, man. I was like, yes, yes, yes. Um, and that was all good for, you know, a long while until, you know, you get older than all of a sudden, those gifts that you have in that realm of the physicality of being a dancer and artist in that manner, uh, all of a sudden, um, we're a waste of time, but then the, the suppression came of, you know, trying to, people trying to suppress me.

[00:05:18] And so I was, would, I would say because the way I grew up also in a family that was, um, There was a lot of, uh, yelling and, uh, there was a lot of tension and yelling and unhappiness within the family parents. And so I would just, you know, close my door. I didn't speak up. I, it was very emotional, very difficult for me to use my voice.

[00:05:45] Rosie: Correct.

[00:05:46] Amy: Much easier for me to use my body

[00:05:49] Rosie: in the

[00:05:50] Amy: expression of self. But when I, I was really stifled with my voice. And so I would say I'm shy, right? I'm shy that I put that on me, which really I wasn't at all. I mean, I don't know. It's like, But when you don't, you know, when you're afraid to speak up because of, um, retaliation or suppression, um, you stay quiet.

[00:06:14] I did. My sisters did things differently, but I stayed quiet. I just shut the door and did my own thing. I would say that little girl who she was back then is still, I really made an effort to come back to her. You know, when I became married at 32, I realized this is not right. Uh, that's when I got into meditation and women's group and figure out what the heck is going on with me.

[00:06:42] And so, um, from that time on, I really worked on releasing all the suppression, releasing all these stories, releasing all this, um, you know, what other people put on me. And so that came to me in a meditation when I saw my little girl. and I was like, I saw her in an open field. My teacher says, now there's a gift in your heart.

[00:07:11] I saw her, I, the gift came, I saw her in open field and I was like, oh my God, that is me. That is really who I am. Mm. Not who I am right now, but I was like, I want that. How do I fit that? Yeah. That is what, that's me. I was like, oh my God, I want that. And so from that moment on, I really stuck to that idea of getting that little person back.

[00:07:41] Getting that freedom, getting that, you know, sense of openness, that sense of humor, that, that ability to be brave and that ability to be like, just so, so willing. And I worked many, many years for, to get her back.

[00:07:59] Rosie: Why do you think, I'm not sure if straight is the right word, but I'll use it. Why, why do you think over time you strayed from that direction?

[00:08:07] little girl version of yourself. I think it happens to a lot of us, but I'm curious why you think that happens.

[00:08:14] Amy: You know, I fought very hard to be myself. I've fought very hard to continue dancing to, you know, I got a job to pay for my lessons. I. I fought very hard to continue that, you know,

[00:08:32] Rosie: and

[00:08:32] Amy: I used to say as a kid, as a 19 year old, when I quit, you know, at 18, 19, all that I quit for like five years of dance, I didn't dance for five years and I just said, I got tired of the fight.

[00:08:46] I think we get tired of the fight and we acquiesce our dreams and our and who we truly are because We're we're just taught. I mean, I remember just being tired

[00:08:59] Rosie: Mm hmm

[00:09:01] Amy: and saying it describing it as that as someone who was you know, 18 years old

[00:09:09] Rosie: Yeah, that really resonates with me tired of the fight That hits deep.

[00:09:14] Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Um, and I remember when we first chatted, you were saying, you know, you've never worked the nine to five. Never played by the rules. And you called yourself a radiant rebel. Can you tell us what you mean by that? I love the sound of it, but I want to know your take.

[00:09:40] Amy: As a young kid, I was a rebel.

[00:09:42] Meaning, um, you know, I shut the door. I mean, we were out. I mean, my sister and I were out at the clubs.

[00:09:55] I'm like 13 to, yeah, all I wanted to do was dance. I mean, all of us girls would, six of us would go to the clubs together and just dance. I would dance at the clubs. I was dancing at school. I would dance after school. And so, you know, I always considered myself like this, you know, as my parents were telling me, you need to go to college, you need to do this, this, this, and I was like, I ain't doing that.

[00:10:26] Um, I don't have to discuss it with you, but I'm not doing that. I think. Rebel oftentimes is the eighties had a negative connotation to it. Punk rocker, all that stuff. Right. And it had a lot of, had a lot of emotional, uh, upset around the rebelling because I was unhappy because I wasn't being supported with my dreams.

[00:10:51] And because I was looking for any way to get out so I could be me. Right. So I was figuring out who I was. And. You know, quickly, it was interesting because I'm a very talented, beautiful dancer, right? And I would walk out into the world and receive that information. And I would walk into the house and receive something else.

[00:11:16] Rosie: Mmm.

[00:11:19] Amy: Right? And that to me, I wanted to be out because I was getting recognized for who I actually was in the dance studio or with my friends or, you know, out and about. And so I think back then it had some emotional turmoil around the rebel. Now being a radiant rebel is something different.

[00:11:41] Rosie: Yeah.

[00:11:41] Amy: It's an empowered place.

[00:11:44] Of joy of openness of freedom of these core values that I took and I cultivated in myself once I saw my little girl in that meditation. That's my main thing to be radiant and to be a rebel and to be, to live outside the box. Don't, please don't put me in a box. I'm just not going to go. Yeah. Like, I just won't go.

[00:12:06] So you're wasting your time, you know, and I don't feel bad about it and I don't have to be upset about it and I don't have to be mean about it. I could be actually quite radiant about it.

[00:12:17] Rosie: I love that. I'm sure some of our listeners are going, this sounds amazing, but how did you make that transition from rebel to radiant rebel?

[00:12:30] How did that happen?

[00:12:33] Amy: I started, as I said, I started learning about myself. about the patriarchy, about, um, why I have these things that I do or think about, and also I reconciled a lot of my, um, uh, relationship with my parents. Right. So I did a healing process in my thirties. Um, you know, I met the love of my life.

[00:12:58] Um, we were building a life together and, um, you know, all of a sudden it goes to the doctor and, you know, six weeks later he's gone, he's dead. Right. So I, I went to ground zero. I started from nothing. Um, that was a very traumatizing time for me because we had our whole, you know, there was no time for processing.

[00:13:20] No, you know, we were just six weeks later. That's it. Right.

[00:13:23] Rosie: Hmm.

[00:13:24] Amy: And so, you know, when you have the person of your dreams and your futures going forward, and you're looking ahead and living present, cause we also had, we had, we had a family going on there. And so that being taken away, um, so quickly, you know, it really brought me down to, uh, having PTSD.

[00:13:48] Um, to, um, a lot of anxiety, um, a lot of fear. Um, I didn't want to leave my home. I had to really look to myself and create new ways of navigating this life because I was in extreme fear. I had a lot of fear, um, and grief and you know, the whole shebang. And so I think from starting from that point. into really cultivating and understanding myself and overcoming the fear, overcoming the anxiety, recognizing what was happening to me at the time, um, really, um, being honest with myself and, and actually giving up this idea of being perfect and having it all correct.

[00:14:45] Cause,

[00:14:46] Rosie: um,

[00:14:47] Amy: as you know, if something like that happens to you, you know, that you only have today to live. It's a big lesson. And so that's where the radiance came from because I decided that I get to really build, you know, really create a life that I love and create my, a self that I really love and who takes, we say shit on here, no?

[00:15:14] Yeah. Right. Take shit on and, and, and, and actually follow through and to really create something that I love. Right. So now, isn't that a beautiful thing? It is. And yet it doesn't, you know, it comes to you, it came to me as it came to me step by step. Yeah. You know, so I appreciate life. I have a lot of, I have a lot of value for life and value for myself and this idea that, you know, I overcame something and it's, And I created a new way of being, I created a new self.

[00:16:00] Rosie: Mmm. I really resonate with that. And something, something that plays on my mind that I'd love your take on, because I lost both my parents relatively young, you know, dad in a freak accident and mom relatively quickly. So that kind of accelerated my journey to, I'll use your word of a radiant rebel, right?

[00:16:25] And I wonder, is an awful event like that? a necessary part of getting to the place of Radiant Rebel? Or do you think it's just something that speeds up the process?

[00:16:45] Amy: Well, I think, um, that, you know, I think you can get there without that much trauma. Yeah, that would have been nice, right? But there's something to say about the experience of loss. There's some, you, we can't, uh, be afraid of it. We have to know it's. We have to embrace it and it is a coming of self it is It becomes loss becomes An evolution of self because you start to question everything oftentimes You realize that the things that you're holding on to really are not that important

[00:17:32] And that is Um where you you know, I always say to you. I always say this is where you you meet yourself in loss You meet yourself in following your passions. There are times in your life where you actually meet yourself. And so there's something to say about the experience. Um, but I think whenever you could still get there, you can be that radiant rebel, but you have to participate.

[00:18:05] You have to like, you can't do it from afar. You can't be like, wow, you know, you have to really get involved. Like you got to jump in and participate, whether it's dating, whether it's starting your business and following through on it, whether it's finding new friends, whether, whether it's like recreating your life, you have to participate, you know, and this is where you meet yourself through the participation.

[00:18:35] Rosie: Hmm, I haven't heard it put that way before, but it's, it's so true. And I often see people struggle with this concept of participation. They know they need to do that.

[00:18:53] But it's just so scary. Do you have any advice for people who are perhaps feeling stuck in that in between as to how they get the courage or the bravery to just start participating?

[00:19:12] Amy: So, interesting enough is the participation part often has to do with self doubt.

[00:19:18] Rosie: Ooh, yeah.

[00:19:22] Amy: And self doubt I have a quiz and all that about, you know, what type of self doubter you are. Um, I'm a hider and hesitator. Okay. And there's hypercritical and helplessness. There's those four. So what happens is we want to do something. We have the desire to do something, but . Our self-doubt keeps us from participating.

[00:19:49] Rosie: Yeah.

[00:19:50] Amy: And so we become hide. I'm a big hi. I was a big hider. Andor. Mm-Hmm. . The hider would say, oh, I'm shy. Right. Therefore I can't, blah, blah, blah.

[00:20:06] Rosie: Mm.

[00:20:08] Amy: Uh, theor would be like, I'll do it next week. . Yeah. It doesn't have to be right now. Right. Uh, if you were hypercritical. In your self doubt, it might sound like no one's going to like me anyways, I'm going to get rejected or it could be they're are going to, they're not going to like me.

[00:20:36] They're just going to, it's just going to be horrible. The party's going to be bad. You know, uh, the helplessness person oftentimes will just say, you know, cower in the corner and be like, I just can't, I'm not capable. I can't, I can't put myself out there. It's just too hard. It's too scary. So they might say stuff like that.

[00:21:02] The hider and hesitator would not say that. They'd just be like, I'm shy. Or, you know, the hesitant, Oh, it's just not the right time.

[00:21:12] Rosie: Mm. That's a common one. Yeah. That's very common. But these are all

[00:21:17] Amy: self doubt, right? And so these are all things that we all have some of them, right? But I was a big hider and hesitator.

[00:21:26] The transformational thing is me understanding that I'm a hider and a hesitator.

[00:21:32] Rosie: Yeah,

[00:21:33] Amy: that's where the transformation comes from because sometimes I'll get that email. I'll just do it tomorrow Then I Amy you do it now, okay Tomorrow is a no no. It's now Okay, because it's not about anything other than your self doubt and your head your habit of hesitating These are all just habits that we do so, you know, the radio rebel really understands herself or themselves You This is part of it also.

[00:22:07] You are very curious about why you're making certain decisions or why you're not following through. And so I'm a big idea person. Like, I'm like, well, let's make the, let's do this. And then we're going to do this and then we do this and this and this and then do nothing. You sure you're not talking about me?

[00:22:33] It's a lot of us.

[00:22:35] Rosie: Yeah,

[00:22:36] Amy: but it's really about self doubt.

[00:22:38] Rosie: Yeah, I have never heard it framed in that way. I Often I hear people talk about fear, which I think is related to self doubt.

[00:22:48] Amy: Oh, yeah.

[00:22:49] Rosie: Yeah, right But I've never heard it framed as this this concept of self doubt and I love you know You've broken it down into those is it four five four different?

[00:23:01] Yeah. Yep. So How did you figure out where you fit in that cycle? And I would love to figure out what my dominant ones are, because I think it would really help me understand some of my behaviors. I have a quiz that you could take. Yeah.

[00:23:19] Amy: It's just like a simple, you know. Remedial quiz. Uh, yeah. And then it gives you a look into your behavior around things.

[00:23:29] Um, to me, I much rather say to myself, Oh, I'm a hider and hesitator. That's why I did that instead of I'm a bad person.

[00:23:45] I never follow through or I'm not good enough or whatever you say to yourself. It's easier to say, Hey, I'm a hider and hesitator. And so these are the steps that we must go through to finally let go

[00:24:00] Rosie: of

[00:24:01] Amy: the judgment. So this is part of the quiz, right? The quiz tells you what your dominant is, right? And then you're like, Oh, okay, that makes sense now.

[00:24:14] Or something happens. Oh, I'm just being hypercritical right now. I'm in self doubt

[00:24:19] Rosie: instead

[00:24:19] Amy: of I'm such a bad person or they're bad, you know, or whatever. So that's part of what I do is really. We have to be free, right? So when I saw my little girl, I saw her as free.

[00:24:34] Rosie: Mm hmm.

[00:24:35] Amy: I saw her as open. I saw her as willing, right?

[00:24:40] So if I am not embodying those and feeling those, I have to look at why am I not feeling those? Why am I not feeling that way? Maybe because I'm afraid.

[00:24:56] Rosie: Mm hmm,

[00:24:58] Amy: right? And then what am I telling myself? But the ultimate goal is to get back to that little girl, to really release all these things.

[00:25:11] Rosie: Yeah. It sounds so transformational.

[00:25:16] It really does. And I wonder, because we haven't shared this yet on the podcast, or you mentioned your beautiful dancer, right? And Thanks. You were signed with a dancing agent, I think it was recently, you told me, at age 55. And I think a lot of people would have given up before, like, Oh, I'm too old. You know, that's, that's just unrealistic.

[00:25:41] What am I thinking? So, you know, can't do that. So, was part of getting there to do with becoming aware of self doubt and working through that and returning to the little girl? Well, how, how did that journey unfold?

[00:26:03] Amy: Interesting enough, when I was younger, I was so hard on myself as a dancer. I was very hypercritical of self.

[00:26:12] That's a self doubt. I hesitated, and I hid, and maybe some helplessness there too, actually, like many others, right?

[00:26:23] Rosie: Many

[00:26:24] Amy: others. So it's like, I was fully in self doubt in this position of being a highly technical, highly, uh, you know, just this beautiful dancer. It's like, I was at a high level with thoughts of self doubt and the self doubt won over and over it won.

[00:26:52] So basically what happened was I just cultivated my career as an educator, coach, dancer, teacher. Right.

[00:27:00] Rosie: Right.

[00:27:02] Amy: And which I love, and there's nothing wrong with that. Right. There's nothing wrong with that. I, I love the path that I took. And because I took that path, I do believe my body is in such a way that it's still healthy.

[00:27:16] Oftentimes you get into these dance jobs and they ruin your body. But anyhow, I was riddled with self doubt, even though I had a lot of talent and a lot of artists go have this.

[00:27:28] Rosie: A

[00:27:30] Amy: lot of entrepreneurs have this. They have a great idea. They're great coaches. They're great entrepreneurs in this, in the sense that they want to create something, but they have a lot of self doubt.

[00:27:45] They have a lot of hesitation. They're hiding. They're hypercritical of everything they put out. Um, they give up easily, um, and think of it's, it's about them. So you can be a very good at what you do and still fail because of this self doubt and either you're hiding, you're hesitating, you're helpless, or you're hypercritical.

[00:28:12] Rosie: I love how you have such confidence in talking about your talent and what a good dancer you are, because I'm not sure if it's similar where you are, but in Australia, it's sort of, you can't celebrate yourself. I know. And your achievements. You can't, oh, you're just full of yourself. But I think it's so important to acknowledge our gifts and the hard work we put in and our strengths.

[00:28:43] So how did you get to that place of feeling comfortable talking about yourself in that way? Or is this just something you had from the beginning?

[00:28:52] Amy: Oh, no. I mean, dancers, before you go on stage, you're like mirth, you know, you're basically just saying shit before you go on stage. That's your, that's your like, good luck.

[00:29:10] So dancers, dancers are famous for their self doubt for their being critical for their, uh, need for perfection. It's like wearing a suit of armor. It's like having this depression on your chest, right? So there's something between my body and the outside world and it sits right here, right? And. You walk off stage or you're dancing and it's there and it's over your heart and over your you know Your solar plexus and it's like protecting you

[00:29:52] Rosie: And

[00:29:54] Amy: there's this uh armor in front of you.

[00:29:57] The problem is you get off stage and you are Remembering all the mistakes as people are walking towards you Telling what a beautiful job you did Right? You're so beautiful. It was great. Oh my God. Did it up and you've got this thing right here and your chest covering your heart and your solar plexus.

[00:30:23] And it's not penetrating. You're not

[00:30:25] Rosie: feeling it. You're

[00:30:27] Amy: only feeling the failure. You're only feeling the failure. And when people tell you you did a beautiful job, it doesn't even hit your heart. It doesn't even register in your body. You hear the words, that's

[00:30:47] Rosie: it.

[00:30:49] Amy: You don't embody them. You don't believe them and you don't take them in.

[00:30:53] And this happens whether, you know, maybe you get off and do a, from a speech, or maybe, you know, you are teaching someone something, or maybe you're doing a performance, maybe something at work, and you walk away focused on what didn't happen. That armor is on your chest and you feel nothing.

[00:31:20] And so that is all self doubt that is perfection that is this a lot of the wounds about what, you know, around your dancing, uh, you know, you don't want to come out like me. I didn't want to open my heart because it had been hurt so many times around dance. I wanted to protect it. So I would put this protection around me, whether it's good or bad, the comments, no one could penetrate me.

[00:32:00] Right? So this is where we get to really release our heart, open up our solar plexus and, and allow, allow for the energy of love, the energy of being proud, the energy of being confident to come in and actually look at someone in the eyes and say, thank you. And actually feel it. Right? And, um, no, it's not promoted here in, in the United States, but once you do it, you're, once you have released all these negativity, this idea of you having to be perfect, of these self doubt of something that, you know, you've got to heal a lot of your wounds, which I did.

[00:32:51] And. You're just, I'm radiant. I walk in that dance to you. I have such a good time. Yeah. When I teach, I have a great time. I, my goal is to really, um, take my energy and allow it to infiltrate the whole room and, you know, allow people to see what it looks like when you are not in pain, when you're not in judgment, when you're not in being hypercritical or helpless.

[00:33:26] But you are in the experience, you are participating, and you're loving it. Why

[00:33:34] Rosie: do you think we default to that negativity? And you know, if we think of the different types of self doubt, you know, the height of the resistor, being hypercritical, the feelings of helplessness, why do we tend to default to that?

[00:33:52] Do you think it is learnt behavior through conditioning? Is this just who humans are?

[00:34:02] Amy: Oh, it's all conditioning. It's all conditioning and it's a shame because, um, you know, little souls are being squashed all the time, it's horrible, especially the creatives. Cause creatives aren't valued in society, um, too much.

[00:34:28] Rosie: And so

[00:34:29] Amy: the creatives really get squashed. Um, but, uh, it's all learned. It's all learned. I mean, I, I danced with people who had, I mean, their idea of who they were and what they were doing was like, So much better than my idea about who I was, who I was and what I was doing. And they had half of the talent that I had,

[00:35:00] Rosie: but my mindset

[00:35:03] Amy: and their mindset was totally different.

[00:35:08] Right.

[00:35:12] And we saw, we saw a lot of that in the arts and you see it in a lot of art. You see it everywhere. We're like, I'm better than him. Why is he like that? Because he thinks. He's that good.

[00:35:27] Rosie: He knows

[00:35:28] Amy: he's that good, right? He, he has a mindset for it and he participates so he doesn't hesitate and hide. He's not hypercritical and he's not, uh, helpless.

[00:35:40] He's in it. How great he is, how, how wonderful he is, right? So he's in it. She's in it and they're getting the jobs.

[00:35:50] Rosie: Right. And what a way to live. It feels so much better than being drowned in the, the self doubt. Obviously, this takes hard work and it's not a one and done, but do you have any strategies that listeners could perhaps give a go to start on their journey to?

[00:36:13] Overcoming this self doubt and just embracing how wonderful they are.

[00:36:18] Amy: Yeah. So thank God it wasn't, it's not one and done because as a creator, I mean, what would be next? Right, right. Yeah. So you have to first, uh, one of my big mindsets. shift is that I'm a creator,

[00:36:33] Rosie: right?

[00:36:34] Amy: We must know that we are the creators.

[00:36:40] That means we get to create what we want to create. Yes. Yeah. Right. We can't blame others. I can't blame them, them, them, them, them. I'm only left to me because I create my own life. I'm responsible for my life.

[00:37:09] There's no finger pointing Anywhere anymore. Yeah, there's no I there's no blame anywhere. It's all Me, I am very You know, we have to give up especially Women have to give up this fairy tale that someone's gonna save us or help us or do anything for us And what a disservice to self. Hmm Because we, this is our life.

[00:37:43] We get to create, we get to decide. And so there's all kinds of things you can do. For me, I wake up and I, if I'm how, you know, I say, I realized I ingrained in my, what I say to myself is I'm the creator, I create, and the only person getting in my way is me.

[00:38:11] That's the only person that's getting in my way. And oftentimes we find ourselves in these relationships where, you know, we are, we are very unhappy. And I was in that marriage. I was in that marriage for three years of being unhappy. But what I did right away, I said, something's wrong. And I got help. I would start going into a meditation group.

[00:38:35] And every Monday, I would go to that group. Every Monday, like clockwork for three years. Until I got up the, the guts, I got ready to leave them and I left like three days. I'm like, I'm out of here, dude, packed up my stuff and left. But you know, we're in those types of relationships, I think we were, we, there's nothing we can do.

[00:38:59] Right. Right. Yeah. I have no choice. That's the helplessness. But the choice, fact of the matter is all I did was go every Monday to this class. And I worked on myself.

[00:39:13] Rosie: It

[00:39:16] Amy: was like 16 bucks a class. I went every Monday, like, and I just would go there, be with the women, meditation, have my mentor. And she helped me through so much.

[00:39:29] And that's really, it can't just be that easy. I

[00:39:34] Rosie: think a lot of us really struggle with this concept of we are the creators and we get to create what we want. We are responsible for our own life. That's tough for people because it's so easy to blame the external factors. And it's not to say that things external to you in your environment aren't relevant.

[00:40:00] But I 100 percent agree with you. We, we are the ones getting in our way, and we have a choice. We are choosing to stay in our current situation. That's a tough pill to swallow.

[00:40:17] So, how do we take accountability and accept, actually, this is on me. I have the power, I have the ability to change my situation. How do you change that mindset? Because I see a lot of people around me. They're not in that mindset. They feel helpless. And they are convinced, it is their truth, it is true to them, that they, they can't get out of their current situation.

[00:40:46] Amy: Yeah, as a creator, any truth can be true. Whatever I choose to believe is going to be true.

[00:40:53] Rosie: Right, right, yeah.

[00:40:55] Amy: That's how our brain works. Okay. You have to take this idea that your brain is, uh, something that is more mechanical than personal.

[00:41:08] Rosie: Your

[00:41:08] Amy: brain is not you, right? It's something that

[00:41:17] I'm in a situation. I have a choice. I could think, go towards the light and think it's this way, or I can go towards the dark and think of that way. Now. If I choose to think of the light and think that's true, it will be true.

[00:41:37] If I choose to go the dark and think that's true, it will be true.

[00:41:42] Rosie: Right.

[00:41:43] Amy: Right. It was true that I was in an unhappy marriage. That was a true statement for me. I'm not, uh, denying that, but my actions, understanding like, uh, I don't think I want to be unhappy. I think it was my thought. Or why am I acting like this?

[00:42:07] This is not who I am. This is weird, right? This is not really what I do. So I was like, I just need to go get help. And I just got enrolled. Now I could have said, I'm fine. It's him.

[00:42:24] Rosie: It's him. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:42:26] Amy: I was like, no, something's wrong with me. There's something wrong with me. I don't like myself saying these things or thinking these things or acting this way.

[00:42:36] I did not like myself. And I was like, Oh, there's something wrong with me and my reaction to this. I need to figure this out. Right. And so I took responsibility in that marriage for myself.

[00:42:58] I didn't try to change him. Put it that way.

[00:43:01] Rosie: Right. That rarely works. In fact,

[00:43:06] Amy: I

[00:43:06] Rosie: don't think it ever does really.

[00:43:08] Amy: I didn't try to change him. What I did was I focused on me. And figuring out what, what's going on with me. This is back in 2001.

[00:43:19] Rosie: Right.

[00:43:19] Amy: So this is a long time ago. I was, I didn't even under, I didn't have any inkling of coaching or meditation.

[00:43:27] I grew up an atheist, so I had no religion, no spirituality. I walked into this meditation class and I didn't know what the hell was going on. She was channeling. I was like, I don't know what this is. That

[00:43:42] Rosie: would have been confronting for you. I was like, I don't

[00:43:45] Amy: know what's happening here, but I like it. I

[00:43:49] Rosie: was like, Oh, this sounds,

[00:43:51] Amy: this is good.

[00:43:53] This sounds like what I've been going through. Right?

[00:43:56] Rosie: Right.

[00:43:56] Amy: And she was channeling her teachers about women, about patriarchy, about suppression, about breaking free, all these things. I was like, I want that. Like this is exciting for me. And I went every Monday and uh, that's kind of, you know, I've been meditating since then, but that's how it started.

[00:44:18] And I think that I could have gone a different way.

[00:44:24] Rosie: Yeah, definitely.

[00:44:26] Amy: We all could go a different way. Yes.

[00:44:29] Rosie: Yes.

[00:44:31] Amy: Oftentimes we're afraid to participate. We're afraid to change because things will be different. And I'm going to tell you, yes, that's very true. Things will be different.

[00:44:44] Rosie: Yeah. Change is scary.

[00:44:48] Amy: Change is inevitable.

[00:44:50] Rosie: Oh yeah. So true. So why do we think, why do we think we can avoid it? Right? I

[00:44:57] Amy: know we've been trained, trained

[00:45:00] Rosie: to go along. We really have. And if we go back to what you were saying about, you know, we can choose to go towards the light or, or the darkness, I think there's going to be some cynics listening to this who go, Oh, what a load of rubbish.

[00:45:16] That's just toxic positivity. What do you say to those people?

[00:45:20] Amy: Yeah, I don't believe in, uh, being positive. I don't believe in

[00:45:25] Rosie: positivity.

[00:45:25] Amy: I believe in looking back on your life, looking at your accomplishments, finding the values that you express to accomplish it. Who are you being? Those are your values.

[00:45:41] And to embody those values and hold them as true. I am strong. I am resourceful. I am able. I mean, look at me. I mean, at 43, I went back to college at 46. I got my BA. I am smart. I don't disregard that accomplishment. I was nothing. That has nothing to do with positivity. That is like, I kicked ass. Okay. I got three, uh, 3.

[00:46:16] 875 GPA.

[00:46:19] Rosie: Yeah,

[00:46:20] Amy: no, sorry. Right. It's owning it. I don't believe in like weird positivity stuff. I believe in looking at your accomplishments, looking at what you, what you're capable of finding out what it took to get there. And embodying those values, knowing it wasn't a fluke, you participated, you accomplished it.

[00:46:47] So you get to decide your next steps. It's all about empowerment. It's all about understanding how beautiful you are, how powerful you are, how capable you are. When you look back on your life, what have you accomplished? That means something when you decide to draw on it. That's where the value comes from in me There's nothing i'm not positive.

[00:47:21] I won't I won't what's that called bright side you don't bright side me But like i've gone through a lot i've earned it i've earned everything that I have sitting here with you today I fought for it. I earned it. I explored it. I was curious I was open and I was willing and I own it, right? And so it's not the naysayers.

[00:47:48] It's not about positivity. It's about embodying who you really are.

[00:47:55] Rosie: Yeah. And I want to know, well, I know the audience doesn't know, and this is kind of one of the more boring questions, but I think, still think it's important. What do you do with your day to day? Dancing is obviously a huge part of who you are and what you do.

[00:48:15] What else is there?

[00:48:17] Amy: What do I do? Well, I am entrepreneur. So

[00:48:21] Rosie: I'm

[00:48:24] Amy: a speaker. I'm a speaker. I'm a coach. I have a live show every month. I have the business end. I love to do my websites and all that. I'm a techie person. I also, you know, I'm an academic life tutor coach for high schoolers. Um, what else do I, Oh, I'm a math and science tutor also.

[00:48:49] And I think I'm forgetting something.

[00:48:56] Rosie: But it's so diverse and it really sounds like you're truly embracing who you are. You know, you said earlier, don't you dare try to put me in a box, right? You're not going in a box. And it does not sound like you're anywhere near that box.

[00:49:10] Amy: No, I love life to be different every day.

[00:49:14] I don't, I like to, you know, like I woke up today, yesterday, you know, I took the day off today, like I woke up, did some stuff on the computer. Um, went and made some, a soup, a celery potato soup, went and taught dance, came back here, worked a little bit more on the computer, got on the call with you, Rosie.

[00:49:38] And then I'll be, you know, once this is done, I'm done for the day.

[00:49:42] Rosie: Yeah.

[00:49:43] Amy: So I've never, uh, you know, I'm a creative person. I'm a photographer, stuff like that. It's like, I'm sure I can go on and on, but I mean.

[00:49:51] Rosie: I love it so much. I just love it. Anything else just sounds boring, you know, and we're raised to believe that we have to have that one career and you got to choose your specialization and that's the way it is.

[00:50:09] You're living proof that is not the way it is.

[00:50:11] Amy: Well, you know, as a dancer, um, educator, if I didn't do my other things, it would, Everything I do outside of that, uh, only enhances my creativity, uh, because I'm not on the one track mind. So like, even with my dancing and my coaching, right, I got these two.

[00:50:36] They're similar in many ways. Cause for many years, I would say I'm a teacher. I'm more of a coach in dance. I became that I came out of teaching into a coach around dance. And then, you know, as a coach myself and, you Speaker and all that, I created, uh, the radical embodiment method. So I created a method based off of my dancing, my coaching, my meditation and my performance, my acting and all that, and my dance.

[00:51:05] Right. So this idea of having these things that I do and, and melding them into creating a process. Now, to me, I'm obsessed with it. Like, I'm like, Oh, I like this. Right. I really got this one, do that one, do this one, do the, and then the hider and hesitator might pop his head, you know, just, yeah, hide and hesitate a little bit and come out again and like, Hey, you know, this is where it's at.

[00:51:33] Right. So I think that, um, if I, I don't know what my life would have been like if I, Did the one way one track I did it for many years with dance. It was my one track

[00:51:47] Rosie: Right.

[00:51:48] Amy: I did it for a year and I was obsessed with my dance. I mean, I loved it

[00:51:53] Rosie: I

[00:51:54] Amy: mean I was that's my biggest love in life is dance. That's my Still is I love it There's nothing like it, you know, and that's been my My one consistent great love through my life

[00:52:16] Rosie: That's beautiful Now, one question I like to ask every guest on this podcast, and I can't wait to hear your answer to this.

[00:52:25] I know it's going to be good, is what does freedom mean to you?

[00:52:33] Amy: Oh, freedom is everything. It's to me, a lot of my freedom is in the physical sense. Meaning when I'm dancing that level of spirituality, spirit, hooking up to spirit and having that freedom in that movement without perfection or judgment is, I can't even tell you what it's like.

[00:53:02] It's like, you know, it's this top of the top of feelings. You know, when I, I don't like to put constrictions around my expression or my creativity. So, like even if I choreograph, Friday, I taught, right? I downloaded some music on Friday morning. I was like, okay, cool. Driving, I was like, let me just listen to this song.

[00:53:30] Go into class, choreograph off the spot. No, not even knowing the song that well, not having nothing ready as far as steps, but that level of willingness to open chakra crown, let mother God in and let the creative process is start and just go with it without any constriction is pure freedom.

[00:54:03] Rosie: Hmm.

[00:54:05] Amy: And so if we.

[00:54:07] If we approach life in that way, hook up to mother God, no, not have any constrictions on anyone else. Allow it to be what it's going to be. Freedom.

[00:54:26] Make that webpage, allow it to just like come to fruition. However, design, put it out there. Freedom.

[00:54:35] Rosie: Hmm.

[00:54:37] Amy: Freedom to me means there's no suppression.

[00:54:42] Rosie: Yeah.

[00:54:44] Amy: And to me, that is. a huge gift because I was suppressed for many years, right? And I, for about 32 years, there was that suppression, actually 30, 35 years or something like that, somewhere in there, that suppression and to, to release, you know, just go through this gradual evolution of releasing that who I am here today.

[00:55:17] You're going to, you will see me there. You're going to, you see the same person. Yeah. Freedom.

[00:55:23] Rosie: Yeah.

[00:55:26] Amy: Allowing that love, know that you're totally loved all the time, no matter what. Freedom. So that's what it means to me. I think it's better said that way. Examples of what it looks like.

[00:55:39] Rosie: Yes.

[00:55:40] Amy: Yes. It's a, it's a take me or leave me.

[00:55:45] I don't care. No one is gonna tell me. What to do, who to be, how to say it.

[00:55:52] Rosie: I'm,

[00:55:54] Amy: I'm here. I'm participating. I'm present. Now what's going to happen?

[00:56:02] Rosie: Right. How exciting.

[00:56:06] Amy: Rosie, I never know what's going to come out of my mouth, but usually it's okay. It's like, you're just kind of like, you're in it. Nothing prepared. Yeah. I'm not a preparer.

[00:56:15] Rosie: Yeah.

[00:56:16] Amy: It is what it is.

[00:56:19] Rosie: Oh, I love it. I mean, freedom isn't, I couldn't possibly define it in a single sentence, right? And I loved listening to all the different examples you came up with and.

[00:56:30] One you kind of ended with was take me or leave me. Right? Love that. This is who I am. Ah, Amy. Thank you so much. I, I've really enjoyed this conversation and there's just so much. I really look forward to listening back to it when I do a brief edit because I know I'll pick up on so much more. You've got to.

[00:56:59] So many gifts to share and so much wisdom, and I am in awe and I really Respect and look up to the way that you're living your life. I think it's amazing and it sounds invigorating and so exciting. And I think that's the way of life. I would love more of us to embrace because it's possible.

[00:57:25] Amy: It's possible.

[00:57:26] And also, you know, you, you are embracing, you know, it's not, um, it's also understand that you are living in the human condition and life goes up and down, uh, it's not about that. It's about who are you being in, in those lows and who are you being in those highs and who are you being in the middle? Now I prefer to be in the middle, right?

[00:57:53] Yeah, I prefer to be in the middle But it's not like some positivity or fairy tale. It's more like this understanding that You've https: otter. ai You know, this idea of love and, and openness around you and you understand that this life is here to be lived and that's where the adventure is. So you kind of like, okay, this is, this is really my opportunity.

[00:58:33] I mean, last year was a shit year, but who I was being through it, I was very impressed with myself. Cause usually oftentimes when I was going to like shut down,

[00:58:46] Rosie: watching

[00:58:50] Amy: And feeling helpless, right? Instead of like, well, just laughing about just, okay, it's here. I mean, it's like, it's not stopping. I keep getting hit over and over. Right. But finding my way through that and being like, you know, this is not about me being a bad person. This is just life.

[00:59:10] Rosie: Yeah. Yeah. This is life.

[00:59:16] Amy, thank you so much. You're welcome. You are so generous with your time and your wisdom and I can't wait, um, yeah, to hear our listeners feedback because I know they would have got so much from this conversation. I know I have. Thank you again. You're welcome.

[00:59:32] Ding a Ling, a Ling. I hope you enjoyed the episode. Can I ask you a favor? Cause I put a lot of work into this podcast. And what really helps is if you follow the podcast, share it with somebody and leave me a rating and review, I will be forever grateful. I'm going to stop talking and I'll catch you next week. Why.