50: Life is like a choose-your-own-adventure book

TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Rosie: By the end of this episode. You are going to understand what I mean when I say that life is like a choose your own adventure book. Hey, I'm Rosie. I'm the host of this podcast, the pursuit of freedom. If you're new here. I live full-time in my van with my red dog, Tilly. And this. Is episode 50. I just can't believe. That I have stuck to something for this long.

[00:00:29] I think this is the longest I have stuck to something and. I'm so incredibly proud of that. Having a podcast. Has been a dream for so long. So here I am. I finally started last year. I think I launched in may. And here we are. It's my mum's birthday. She would have been 66 today. And this episode will be going live tomorrow.

[00:00:57] And I've really been. Pondering. What to talk about in this episode? It's been gone through my head. I'm like, I want it to be a solar one. I want to offer some value. And I was like, ah, maybe I could do a list of 50 things I've learned. I'm like, ah, God, really. I could, but I think that would be quite boring to listen to 50 things.

[00:01:18] How long are you gone? Oh my goodness.

[00:01:22] So I wanted to talk about.

[00:01:26] How life is like a choose your own adventure book. This is a realization or a thought I had not too long ago. It was maybe.

[00:01:36] I dunno, two weeks ago. Because.

[00:01:42] I've been feeling a bit lost if I'm honest. It was a dream for so long to move into the van. And I had created this. Uh, fantasy land, this dream, this vision of what it would be like. And whilst van life. Has been great and I've loved it.

[00:02:07] It didn't solve anything. If that makes sense. There was that initial excitement and, oh my fucking God. This is amazing. And yeah. It was amazing. It is amazing. And I'm proud of that, but.

[00:02:23] It didn't address.

[00:02:28] It w it was just achieving a goal. If that makes sense. It was a goal. And I want to talk about this because. If you're anything like me, you set these ambitious goals. It takes you years to get to it. And then you get there. Okay. There's a bit of excitement then you're like, oh, Now what.

[00:02:52] What an awful feeling.

[00:02:53] You've just achieved an awesome fucking goal. What is going on?

[00:02:59] But it's a pattern for me. I remember when I graduated from uni to become a teacher. Uh, hated it. The courses were terrible. Uni was like, it was just awful.

[00:03:12] But the only thing that got me through was I'm going to be a teacher. I'm going to get my permanent position and I'm going to be amazing.

[00:03:20] I graduated. I got my permanent position.

[00:03:27] Fucking hated it, by the way. My mental health was the worst it has ever been when I, um, started teaching.

[00:03:37] Not necessarily because of the teaching, but it's certainly exacerbated the situation. My point though. Is that.

[00:03:47] My whole world revolved around getting that degree. So I could become a teacher. I became a teacher and it was just like, okay.

[00:03:57] I've got the title. I'm getting a full-time wage. Now I'm a grownup, whatever.

[00:04:05] But. Th it didn't feel fulfilling, you know, it was just like, yeah, Guruci she got her degree. Yeah. Okay.

[00:04:17] And it just. I don't know, it just happens. And I remember.

[00:04:23] I did. Uh, team iron man where I did the running lake and it was like, yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. It was amazing. I did it. Felt great for that day. And I was like, oh, okay. Now what.

[00:04:39] And most recently.

[00:04:41] With the van.

[00:04:45] Yeah. I spent four years converting this.

[00:04:50] Uh, moved in and it's been amazing. And I must say the high from achieving this goal has lasted quite a while, but again, I find myself in this space going. Well now I still feel lost.

[00:05:05] And.

[00:05:08] I think I've just been looking at goals wrong and I know. That most of you do as well.

[00:05:18] So here's how I look at it wrong. And I'm guessing you probably do too.

[00:05:24] When I set a goal, it's like the be all end, all. This is very rigid inflexible goal. You know, you've got to aim high, right?

[00:05:35] And it's. You got to get to the goal. Otherwise you're a failure.

[00:05:41] But what happens? If you get to the goal, like.

[00:05:47] W what happens? You put a tick in the checkbox next to it.

[00:05:54] I really have this aversion to goals. I don't know what it is.

[00:05:59] But I'm working on a framework because. It's fucked. And if I hear someone say smart goals, one more time, I'm going to lose it. If you don't know what a smart goal is, I'm not going there. If you're a teacher, you definitely know what it is. If you've ever been to a psychologist, you definitely know what it is. Smart goals.

[00:06:17] Do my head in it stands for specific measurable, actionable. Um, What's the realistic and time-bound. That's how you set a good goal. Okay. Cool.

[00:06:33] Fucking hate goals.

[00:06:36] I was looking at it overall life isn't about goals.

[00:06:40] It's not really.

[00:06:43] It's about.

[00:06:46] Adventurous.

[00:06:49] So if you go back to the beginning of the episode, About six minutes ago, seven minutes ago. I said life is like a choose your own adventure book.

[00:06:59] But only if you let it right.

[00:07:03] And once I had this thought in my head is fucking amazing. I wonder if I've still got the note. Yeah, I do. So I. I had this thought, and this is what I scribbled down. I was kind of doing a bit of journaling.

[00:07:17] Listen to this. This is what I said. I thought it was so powerful. Life is a grand adventure. Death is the only end point, but you never know when it will arrive. How much fun.

[00:07:31] Well, fun war. I'm smiling reading it because I. Have always been terrified of death. Always. And losing my parents. I think.

[00:07:47] Yeah, plays a big part of that. I'm terrified of losing the people I love and I'm terrified of death. I'm not a religious person. I don't believe in heaven or hell or the after life.

[00:07:56] I just don't. I don't necessarily know what I believe. But I'm not convinced we go to heaven and. There we are. I get to see, see all my loved ones again. I don't. I kind of wish I did. Because I don't know what the alternative is and it's terrifying. So when I wrote the words down, you don't know when it will arrive, how much fun?

[00:08:19] Oh my God. All of a sudden, it's this adventure. There's this end point. We have no control over. Called death.

[00:08:29] I don't care where science is going. We cannot control this. It's an illusion. Right. What we can control are the adventures we go on. And we don't know. When death arrives. And me just three weeks ago, found that terrifying sometimes paralyzing. But now I'm going, Hey. This is an adventure. I'm going to go do the things I want to do because who knows. Who fucking knows when it's gonna end. Let's go do some shit, right. I don't know if this is making any sense, but it was just, it's like a penny dropped in my mind.

[00:09:07] It's like, I'm like, oh, this is exciting. Let's go do shit. Life is trying to fucking light a fire under us and going get on with it. You're going to bloody die one day. I get out there and do some shit. A lot of us don't.

[00:09:23] Anyway, I wrote that down. I'm like, oh, Maybe I should write down some of the things I want to do adventures. Maybe. It's just another word for golf. I don't think it is. These are adventures. Adventures are unpredictable that are exciting. There's trials and tribulations. You never know how it's going to go.

[00:09:42] Right. It's awesome. And I, if you think back to when you were a kid, did you ever have the goosebumps books or the, you. You know the fiction where. You'd read a chapter and then you have a choice. So choose what such and such character does next. Are they going to tell their friend they hate them or are they going to make up. Whatever, whatever.

[00:10:03] That's a very silly example. And you choose which decision and you go to the page. The outcome would have been totally different if you made a different decision. I just like live. But unlike the book where you can peek and cheat. And look at each decision and where it goes. You can't do that in life. So, Hey, let's explore and let's be curious. I want you to start thinking about life as a, choose your own adventure. Our imagination is the limit.

[00:10:36] We have limited resources.

[00:10:40] Some of us. A highly privileged.

[00:10:45] Some of us. A highly disadvantaged. But all of us.

[00:10:52] Deserve. To live.

[00:10:57] Not survive to live.

[00:11:01] Fuck surviving.

[00:11:04] You deserve so much more than that. Survival's important. There's not enough. It's just not it's time to live.

[00:11:15] And so the exercise I did, which I think you should do to. Is write down some of the adventures you want to do. And not necessarily adventures in the typical sense of, oh, I want to climb this mountain. That could be one. But just in an abstract sense. So let me quickly share some of them. I've got in here. I want to write a book, speak on stage, build an off-grid home, have abundant money. Online business, which I've got, I'm exploring that adventure currently. YouTube. That's something I've dabbled in before I did grow a channel to over 300 subscribers and then I kind of fizzled out, but that's something I want to get back into. Van life.

[00:11:56] That's something that I'm exploring now. Podcasting. That's something I'm exploring now. Here's the 50th episode. What a cool fucking adventure. It.

[00:12:10] It has been difficult, this podcasting actually. And.

[00:12:16] Yeah, it's difficult. But it's difficult in that. There's not a lot of external validation. All I see are some analytics on a dashboard. And hardly anyone listens to this stuff.

[00:12:30] You know, And at the moment, there's really not many listeners. Some episodes we'll get maybe.

[00:12:37] Five listens. What. You know, and I could be furious about that, but. There are five people. Who have spent the time to listen to an episode? Maybe not all of it, but I'm not going to go there. Right.

[00:12:52] But it's hard when there's not that feedback. That's why I find it difficult. There's also the editing side, which I'm learning to just not edit as much. And all my solo episodes, I don't edit because it's a conversation and. I don't enjoy editing. And even when I do, how much better does it make the episode?

[00:13:15] Bailey. And maybe not even better at all for you guys, because it's just me being critical. Am I back to my adventures. I also want to property portfolio. Which my dear parents have, you know, they left me. So me and my sisters and property, so that adventure has begun. I want a food truck. That's all. I, ah, that's something that would be so cool. And since being diagnosed with celiac a few years ago, It's really hard to eat out. Especially, if you just want some fast food, you know, sometimes you just want cheeky Mackers, or what do they say?

[00:13:52] Cheeky. Nandos. I don't really like Nandos anyway. I miss red rooster. Oh my God. Tropicana box.

[00:14:00] Where was I going? Yes. Food truck. So I would love to have. An entirely gluten-free food truck. Seven Greek food. Fucking love Greek food. Hmm. Wouldn't that be cool. And. Anyway, that's that's there. And I also wrote on here. Friends. Which might sound odd to you, but.

[00:14:28] I have realized more and more.

[00:14:31] That despite being incredibly independent. I'm also someone who craves connection. And feels incredible. Lonely, incredibly lonely. When I don't have people around me or, or people I'm talking to and have that connection with, I've a very limited network. Or what network is an icky word? Very limited circle.

[00:14:58] I guess, of people who are close to me. And a lot of that's my own doing. I'm a hermit. I find it really hard to make friends because it takes a lot of energy. But that's an adventure I want now I've never actually. Acknowledged that before. I'm going to build a community around me. And I guess I kind of am doing that with my online community. Oh my God.

[00:15:19] Another thing I've done in the past year, right. Launched my online community, which is fricking amazing. The women in there are so good.

[00:15:29] I'm getting jazzed about it. You know, it. It hasn't been the source of income that I thought it would be.

[00:15:37] But Holly, Molly, I love the community. And.

[00:15:42] I, I really want to try and keep it going and grow it a bit more because I get a lot of value from it. And I know the members in there due to. And the final thing I've got on my chooser and adventure list. Is home.

[00:15:58] Some way that feels like home. And I think that's something I will constantly be exploring. The van at the moment feels like home.

[00:16:10] How cool is that? I think for a lot of people that might be alien, like what. Uh, van, how does that feel like home? Honestly it does. This is something I.

[00:16:23] Converted built, designed myself. Um,

[00:16:30] You know, and it's, ah, it's far from perfect. You know, last night I had water all over the floor. I had no idea what from.

[00:16:39] And then I saw a screw. Was, um, stopping my drawer, slide Fraser from closing properly. I thought, ah, maybe it's been frosting up and now it's melting. And what is everywhere? So I thought I'd fixed it and wrapped it all up. Wake up the next morning, which was today.

[00:16:56] Um, water all over the floor.

[00:17:00] There's lots of swearing going on.

[00:17:03] Now the drawer fleet freezer is screwed into the floor because they Navan things move. So it's, it's screwed in there. Somewhat that is it. I was still convinced the leak was coming from the Fraser. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? So I uninstalled the phrase, I pull it out of the van. I've got fries, it's full of frozen dog food so that, you know, starts to frosting.

[00:17:22] I'm going, holy shit. I clean up all the freezer. Dah, dah, dah Mt. Side, doing that.

[00:17:29] I come back in. There's more water. At the minute, I just mopped up all the water. What. I'm scratching my gum. What the hell? And then I sort of look up from the ground, look up. And there's some plumbing and there's a little trip.

[00:17:49] Little drip that was causing a hell of a puddle by the way. Oh my goodness.

[00:17:52] I thought, oh, so I didn't need to take the first round.

[00:17:56] Anyway. I fixed it because I designed the plumbing or knew how to do it, fixed it, try it, everything up. Checked all the other plumbing. Tightened up the connections, got the freezer back in. And there we go. So it's, it's just cool. Having a home that feels like a mine. I mean, it is mine.

[00:18:21] And lately it's been a bit bloody annoying because it keeps breaking down.

[00:18:25] I've spent close to $3,000 so far trying to get it fixed. Um, Still not fixed, but I think, I think I have found the magic mechanic who is going to fix it.

[00:18:38] Um, he just can't get, get it done. He can't get me in for another 11 days. So I'm going to caravan park. They're not my favorite places, but this one's actually all right. You're not packed in like sardines. Matt this caravan park until he can get it in, fix it. It's going to cost $7,000.

[00:19:00] Yeah. But it's a choose your own fucking adventure. Aye. You know, if you listen to my last solo episode, I think it was episode 48. I was in a really dark place.

[00:19:14] You know, because all of these breakdowns were getting me down and then losing my previous client and just the death anniversary of my parents and just feeling lost and alone.

[00:19:24] And. I was just a normal place and I had a friend message me going, Rosie. I didn't recognize you in that episode. Are you okay? Like, do you need to talk.

[00:19:36] So shit. Yeah.

[00:19:39] Yeah, I. It was pretty dark. And I actually haven't listened back to that episode, but I was having a rough time. So feel free to listen to that. If you want, we all have those ups and downs. It's a choose your own fucking adventure. I chose to go down that path. Not consciously course, I didn't consciously choose to go to that dark place and feel like shit. But he's a choice and we just have to be aware of that.

[00:20:01] So I'm choosing currently. To focus on the stuff I can control. Like today's my mom's birthday. So I chose to celebrate that. I cooked up a breakfast. She would've liked the Kini fritters. And then she kind of liked bacon. Um, definitely not bacon with Rondo. , but I cooked some really fatty, delicious bacon I have with it. Um, and tonight I made some great food, but she loved and. It's just been a nice day.

[00:20:28] I chose to do that. I chose my adventure for the day. And throughout life, I'm going to keep choosing my adventures and that just excites me. Like dopamine hit. Yeah. Like. We were playing a game. Let's go right. And I think I'm going to keep kind of jotting things down that I, I wanna, um, go across on my adventure. Maybe our Jorah like a really random haphazard map and randomly placed these adventures on there.

[00:20:58] And then I can draw lines between them. They're going to go all over the place. And some of these adventures are going to be sheet. Absolutely shit. And that's okay.

[00:21:12] So, yeah. I don't like goals. I like adventures. The have a think. What adventures do you want to go on in this life?

[00:21:22] It doesn't have to be too specific.

[00:21:28] What adventurous do you want? Get excited about it? Rather than act from a position of fear.

[00:21:36] Act from a place of curiosity. It can be excitement, but that's not really sustainable. Curiosity's the key. I remain curious. But that's the key here really is. Be curious. And just.

[00:21:54] Be present, observe.

[00:21:59] Harsh judgment is not useful. I think we all go through it and it's important to go through the process, but at a state as like now, okay. That happened.

[00:22:08] I was crappy. This is the role I played. This is the world. Someone else played whatever. Or. Out of my control and. I'm going to focus on something that is within. My control. Which is how I lead my life and what I prioritize. And if you're kind of facing a big decision by the way, and you're a bit like I don't freaking know what to do, and you're kind of paralyzed on that. Hm. I have the perfect episode for you.

[00:22:38] I'm just pulling out my phone. Cause I can't remember what number it was. But if you go back, it was a while back. Um, let me pull it up. I should've had this ready. I was thinking about scripting this episode and. I was like, yo, that's not how I roll. So anyway, that's why it's not ready. So the episode is. Number three.

[00:23:04] Here's what to do.

[00:23:05] If you're feeling stuck. It was my very first solo episode on the podcast. Highly recommend you do that. You might not be in a place to fucking be writing down the adventures you want. That's okay. You might just be going, who the hell am I? I don't even know what job I should apply to. Or maybe you are at the adventure stage. I just hit my microphone.

[00:23:27] I'm sorry.

[00:23:29] Go to episode three, revisit your values. You might roll your eyes, please. Don't. Values are a game changer, um, at the moment. I think my three core values stay true. Play fair. And be curious.

[00:23:46] And on that note. I'm gonna bid you farewell. I'm so excited that I've hit 50 episodes. I'm so excited that you have been here for the ride. And I meant to mention this at the beginning, but whatever marketing isn't my forte. So before I wrap it up, I just want to say. I launched a brand new website for the podcast.

[00:24:09] I'm so, so proud of it. Please go check it out. thepursuitoffreedom.com.au. And I have a really, really big favor to ask you. Could you pretty, please. If you haven't already. Leave me a rating and a review. So if you go to thepursuitoffreedom.com.au/reviews

[00:24:36] you can type a review in there.

[00:24:38] Super easy. Or even better. If you're an iOS or iPhone user, if you could do it on apple podcasts, because this is the best way you can support me for free. It lets other people know, Hey, this show was valuable and it also gives me some feedback to go, Hey Rosa, you're doing all right. Keep going. We're listening. So that would mean the world to me, go leave me a review. And excuse me. I keep burping.

[00:25:06] That's disgusting. And to those of you who have left me a rating or a review. Thank you so much. It means the world to me on apple podcasts. It's not exactly obvious how to do it. Go to the show page, scroll all the way down. Um, and you will have an option there. I'm bringing it up. So I don't say the wrong thing. So if you scroll all the way or towards the bottom it's, um,

[00:25:34] It says writing and reviews, you can tap the number of stars.

[00:25:37] That's good. But then underneath that tap on, right. A review. If you're a Spotify user. Unfortunately Spotify, doesn't let you write a review. It does. However, let you leave a rating again. It's not. Exactly obvious how to do it. No wonder people don't leave them for me. But go to the show page, tap the three dots. And there's an option there that says right.

[00:26:05] Show. You tap that and tap the number of stars. That would be amazing to me also, also, also on my very cool fancy website, you can leave me voice messages and feature on the podcast. So you, if you'd have some feedback, if you have some questions, you just want to say, get a or share a story, please.

[00:26:25] Do you go to the website in the bottom right-hand corner? There's a microphone. You tap it. Or click it if you're on desktop or laptop, whatever. Send me a message. I would love, love, love to hear from you. Please, let me know what your favorite episode has been. We're at episode 50, so many episodes.

[00:26:45] What has been your favorite and why? Let me know. And if you're on Spotify, did you know you could leave a comment? So you could actually comment on the Spotify episode. If you're on the episode page, right? Scroll down. It says comments and you can leave a bloody comment. How cool is that? Let me know. Your favorite episode and why please leave a rating and review.

[00:27:10] I love you so much. Go choose your own adventure life is for living and we don't know where death is and you know what. That is okay. I will catch you next week. See you later.

[00:27:22]