29: Create a Life that Feels Good to YOU with Jennifer Battle

[00:00:00] Get A and welcome to the Pursuit of Freedom podcast. I'm your host Rosie Burrows and I'm on a journey to find my freedom so that I can help you do exactly the same. Join me each week as I share

[00:00:13] the stories of everyday people have found their own past to freedom. I'm not going to focus on job titles and accolades because I don't care about that stuff, and neither should you.

[00:00:24] I want to uncover what truly makes you tick. Who are you when you step away from society's expectations and follow your heart? I still haven't figured it out yet. Have you? Either way,

[00:00:37] buckle up because it's going to be one hell of a ride. Joining me today is the amazing Jennifer Battle Jennifer is a business community leader, speaker, coach, connection queen, and host of the unfuck with a bull podcast. She's created a life she loves through giving the

[00:00:54] middle finger to the status quo and relentlessly breaking cultural norms. Jennifer is wholeheartedly dedicated to helping others learn to do the same, and I can't wait to dive into today's episode. Jennifer, welcome. Thank you so much. I've been looking forward to this

[00:01:10] conversation for a long time, and I think we're a candid spirit as I can't wait to just chat with me too. This is going to be great. I think the hardest thing will be keeping to the

[00:01:23] time limit, right? Now before we dive into the nitty gritty, I've kind of talked about the what you do, but can we dive into who you are? If we go way back, who would you say,

[00:01:38] hmm, well this isn't really good question. Most people don't believe this about me, but I was an incredibly shy kid, like incredibly shy. Did not speak to people. I went to a private Christian

[00:01:52] school. We weren't allowed to speak during lunch. I mean you get in trouble if you actually said anything. So I say I'm someone who grew up with a lot of rules. A lot of things like this is how

[00:02:04] you should live. This is how you should do this. And you know, I had a lot of rules from my family, from the church, from my school. And so I grew up with a lot of expectations of myself,

[00:02:14] because I wanted to be the good little girl, felt all the rules. And so I worked hard. I did great things in school. I went to, you know, that my undergrad, I got my master's degree. I married the, you know,

[00:02:24] perfect guy on paper, and I had a nice house, and I did all those things, and I realized, oh my gosh, I hate my life. I'm not happy. And I had nothing to do with the other individual. It was just that

[00:02:37] I looked around and I was like, this is not my life. It didn't feel like anything like me. But the challenge was that I didn't know what me was because I spent all this time doing whatever one told

[00:02:50] me I should do. So I'd like to think that these last several years have been figuring out myself and then also questioning all these rules that we've always had for ourselves. So I am all about,

[00:03:04] that's why I guess I get really excited on my own podcast and in the work that I do with breaking the rules or at least challenging them. So it's not so much I just want to break the rules

[00:03:13] to break them. But a lot of times we are blindly following a path, and we're like, wait a second, is this even what I want? Is this even what I believe success is a great example of that? I mean,

[00:03:26] we've been told success looks like a big house in fancy cars and a nice wardrobe and home-edit coming to our house and doing our closets although I do look a minute. But in reality,

[00:03:39] it's like if I ask people, it's like, oh, if they could do anything right now, the answers are so diverse. And so I really love to dive deeper and ask myself and others a question,

[00:03:53] is this what you really want? What really feels that is this true or is this just something that someone else told you to do? So yeah, my life lately has been just really leaning into my

[00:04:06] intuition and myself trust. And I love it. It feels really good. I think so many of us can resonate with that. You know, kind of being stuck in a life and we've wake up one day and go, oh, is this,

[00:04:20] is this all there is? Like, is this really me? But how did you start the process of figuring out who you are and what you want? I think that's a big roadblocks for a lot of us. Oh, I would love to say

[00:04:32] it was super pretty. It was ugly. It was ugly as hell. Well, for me, it was like starting by peeling off the layers I knew didn't fit. And that can be hard. And for me, and I'm not recommending

[00:04:47] everybody go and do this, so don't tell me all you guys got divorced lawyers. But my first husband and I weren't a good fit because realistically he was a great person. He was a great dad. We

[00:04:59] wanted very different things. And I was starting to discover that. So also with my job, there were things that I was very good at my job. I was succeeded at my job. But it's not the

[00:05:12] thing that made me excited or you know, it was definitely I had a, what do we call it, in the middle of the day? Like, I got to go back to work. And so I started supplementing my job

[00:05:24] with things that I really enjoyed, like exercise and fitness. And then I started meeting people who were in, you know, aligned with some of the things that I enjoyed. I started to change my circle

[00:05:36] up a little bit. And it's those little baby steps that eventually led to me years later, starting my own fitness coaching business, surrounding myself with people who are still like,

[00:05:49] my best friends to this day. And so a lot of times we think we're going to have to jump in and do this big drastic change. But I really like the analogy of like a little onion, like you peel off a

[00:06:01] little piece here, you peel off a little piece there, you peel off. And so I had to slowly peel off. And I still think I'm peeling. I think it's more of a journey, right? I mean recently I did some

[00:06:13] big changes. But you know, I really do think it is a gradual question and just start to take out the things that don't fit. And then start to put the things that do back in your life.

[00:06:26] That's such an important point because I think many of us for some reason think we need to figure it out and land on the right things straight away. But like you said, it's a journey. And I know for

[00:06:39] you, your career path has had so many twists and turns, like being a scientist, a recruiter, you know, personal trainer, bodybuilder, online coach. So how did you navigate that? And do you think

[00:06:53] there is a common thread there? There's absolutely a common thread and how did I navigate it? I think that goes back into the leaning in peace. And this was a huge tough, difficult thing

[00:07:05] for me to do because one of the big messages that I'd received in my life was all about stability, you know, that success meant staying in a career and growing and having a stable, stable

[00:07:19] this and stable meant like insurance and these types of things. And I realize it's like everything that was stable. And I don't want to say everything that was stable, but staying safe and stable

[00:07:31] was just not who I was. And so I do think it was important for me to try things on. So that's why I got to try on all these different things. And each piece of those things help me learn about

[00:07:44] myself and I found joy in it. So I love to exercise. I love health and fitness. So what I be a professional bodybuilder, no, but for a couple of years I was a really great amateur bodybuilder and I got to wear

[00:07:58] cute sparkly bikinis and my heels and all that stuff. And don't try to look me up because I competed under a different name. That was done on purpose. Oh, I'm a yeah, you never want your

[00:08:11] kids friends coming up and feel like I saw your mom walking in her head. Yeah, that's not due to that. But yeah, personal training was an extension of that. But I think the themes that

[00:08:23] have been consistent throughout everything that I've done and likely everything that I will ever do are connection like I love building community talking to people engaging with people in a real way and as a coach and personal trainer that happens all the time, I also equity and inclusion.

[00:08:45] So doing things that allow us to be around a lot of different types of people and ideas and be an inclusive environment are huge for me. And the final thing is just being really bold and really authentic so that bold authenticity. So most people will know that they'll

[00:09:05] if they had to describe me, they will say Jennifer's pretty direct. And you know, I'm not afraid to ask hard questions and that's served me well when I was a, you know, as I do strategy now,

[00:09:17] but even when I was a strategist in my previous career. And I'm not afraid to just like say it like it is. I mean the name of my podcast is unfuck withable. So there's a bit of boldness there.

[00:09:27] I think those three things are more core values and we'll always stay consistent in all the work that I do. But it was a huge, huge thing for me to accept that I'm never going to be the kind of

[00:09:39] person who does the same thing forever and ever and ever. It's just not who I am. I will continue to evolve, I will continue to try new things because I think that's the, that's the for me. That's

[00:09:51] the fun part of life. Now I don't think everybody else is like that. And that's okay because we are all different and it's more important for me to understand what really lights me up. Right. Yeah.

[00:10:02] And I think a huge part of discovering who you are is finding your voice like for you, it sounds like you had a fairly conservative upbringing and there's rules and norms and you

[00:10:15] kind of followed that for a bit. But then like now you have totally found your voice. Well I think so. I don't know if you agree with that. So what do you think about comfort zones?

[00:10:27] Because I feel like that transition requires you to step out of your comfort zone a little bit. Oh comfort zone, that's such a great question because my immediate response is there's nothing wrong

[00:10:41] with being comfortable. I think the challenge is that most of us are uncomfortable and we don't even know what our comfort zones are. You know I think we are living someone else's life. We're

[00:10:52] doing someone else's dream. And so I feel very comfortable now but in what I understand, I think your question is but to get from where I was to where I am now it was a challenge because

[00:11:08] I had to truly believe in myself because a lot of other people never got it. They didn't get it. They're like why I remember when I put in my notice at my six-figure job working in higher

[00:11:20] education where I was a director of something. I remember people coming up to me like, are you crazy? Like why would you lead that? And then I told them what I was going to do which

[00:11:32] was transitioning into fitness and they're like can you even make money from that? I mean it freaked people out. Some of the people in my family are like what are you going to do? Oh my gosh you don't have

[00:11:42] a 401k which in the United States are retirement land on my bed and it was more I had to be comfortable being okay that note not everybody was going to get it. When I ended my first marriage

[00:11:57] people kept saying oh did someone cheat like what happened? And I'm like no it just I can't explain it to you it just wasn't right. And so a lot of the times after I'm cool with myself and I'm

[00:12:11] comfortable with myself the discomfort actually comes from the reactions of other people but I've had to build the muscle that I know myself and I'm the best judge for the things that I do

[00:12:27] because ultimately I've been one who has to live with it right. I'm the one who has to enjoy it or make them a stake or do whatever but yeah I think a lot of times we get so wrapped up and other

[00:12:39] people's ideas or opinions of us that we forget that we are our best teacher we're our best lead we're our best mentor we just have to learn how to trust ourselves. I love your perspective on

[00:12:52] this comfort zone thing that's actually something that's not something I have ever considered but I think you're right and maybe it's more about having the courage to trust yourself and move towards that more you know alignment and I guess alignment is you're feeling comfortable

[00:13:10] with yourself that's something I believe I've got a tattoo of my arm that says stay true because it's so important for me to be honest with myself and stay true to who I am because I'm

[00:13:23] I would say I have been a chronic people pleaser for a lot of my life and that often results with strength, strength from who I truly am in my core values and it's a lesson I am constantly

[00:13:37] unlearning, relearning you know it's just on and on and on so I love you know I love that so much. Let me take it a step further because I think there are a lot of us who say where people

[00:13:48] plezers and I think there's more to it than that. I mean if you think about cultural culture and society and culture and society are going to be different things to different people no matter

[00:13:59] who's listening around the world but we we're conditioned there's a condition and this is how it should go so we are then taught words and phrases like people pleasing and imposter syndrome

[00:14:14] I don't even know if those are things I think we are as a culture and society all told to go a certain way and there are rules or reactions or whatever that happened when people start to stray right they

[00:14:29] start to like move away from the pack I think of like goats being herded and wonder actually to them you got one that wants to stray and then they crack the whip and it's going to make you

[00:14:38] feel bad if you start to do things that are outside the norm so I I want to challenge people to think about whether there's something wrong with them or if the rules in the world is meant

[00:14:53] for us to all go the certain way and anybody else is going outside of the norm is somehow labeled differently so I was joke around I told my my friend and one of my mentors I'm like if I could count

[00:15:05] the number of times someone called be crazy I would have a million dollars because apparently I'm fucking certifiable okay for all this I do um brave is a better word yeah I agree and you know

[00:15:19] maybe people pleasing for you or for other listeners was just hey I want to not be reprimanded for being the stray goat or in cross their syndrome um rashmas so in Johnny who is they

[00:15:35] the leader or the founder of girls who code and she's done some great things she had this awesome awesome Smith college commencement speech that talked about how in pastor syndrome is a real

[00:15:49] it is a term that people are telling particularly women that oh you don't feel like you can do it did you ever notice like men never get told to run huh but yet here's all here all of us who are

[00:16:04] doing these things that are cool and brave but we feel bad therefore oh it's in pastor syndrome you don't be cute I just think she she she talked about the terms like that and we've had terms

[00:16:16] like that throughout history are really just meant to make us feel less than and keep us from being the big ball brave crazy people that we are and so I I've always loved that speech and I will

[00:16:29] always reference that because I'm just like oh yeah for them yes yeah that's amazing I will definitely be looking that up later today I want to go to something you said when we first met because I think

[00:16:40] it's relevant to the conversation we're having you're saying one of your favorite questions is who benefits so can you tell us a bit more about that why is that question so powerful

[00:16:51] yeah I think um I I'll speak for myself and I'm going to guess that other listeners have had this experience so when I was in the middle of my goody two shoes phase which was several days

[00:17:03] of you know I was you know making all these decisions and choices and inside there was always that nagging feeling like I don't know if I really want to do this or this is not to be good great but

[00:17:14] everyone else is saying now this is amazing you should go forward and now when I have those times or when I might be conflicted I will say who really benefits from those because oftentimes

[00:17:28] it's not me but everyone is providing advice because the benefit is either to the norm or it benefits someone else or whatever and so I have to ask myself when I'm making decisions like

[00:17:41] who is actually benefiting from those and if we just actually considered whether we are actually benefiting from these decisions and actions we might move in a different direction. So true and speaking of decisions this is a nice segue I've been listening to your podcast

[00:17:58] and you have an episode about how we make decisions. I'll use your words I'm quoting this you've said the existing normal decision making paradigm so how we make decisions it's not working. So how can we better navigate decision making? Yeah I think this is one of those things

[00:18:19] like it's a bit of my way of it's challenging what we're taught so I actually so I have an MBA and I also have a really cool certificate that's about building great team so

[00:18:36] in theory I'm like a business team person and all of that stuff and I remember in those experiences and those educational experiences we went through these like how we make great decisions

[00:18:47] and it's like oh first we have the problem and we have options and we get input and feedback and there's all this step by step and I think it completely ignores the human side.

[00:19:01] Everything like if I was a robot or an AI what do you call it a machine but an AI artificial intelligence thing maybe that's how it would work but as I've worked with women and

[00:19:16] leaders and as I've talked with people what becomes really clear is you can say you're doing all that stuff but if you start for a place of being exhausted or confused or overwork there's no

[00:19:29] way the rest of the process is going to work. So I like to challenge the current way we make decisions and start with the humanity of it so if you're trying to decide this is a great example I'll use

[00:19:42] myself I've recently moved across the country across the United States and I live in Las Vegas Nevada and I was new I wanted to move so I was trying to decide where to live so the old way

[00:19:56] would have said okay make a list and proven cons and evaluate and blah blah blah and I did those things and I remember starting to visit cities I would walk into the city that would be of a

[00:20:07] top of my list and I get off the plane like no this is not it and I remember feeling so like frustrated because I'm like I'm gonna find a place to live I have to find a place to live until I had a great

[00:20:19] conversation with my friend she's like Jennifer calm down you're gonna live somewhere so between my experience with her and some other mentorship experience so I had it's like the very first step for me and for a lot of people

[00:20:34] is to calm down and rest and relax and not try to figure it out I mean sometimes decision making is is less active than we have learned for it to be the other thing is we have to learn how to

[00:20:49] hone our creativity so it's not like sometimes when you think you only have two options like for me don't ask me why I will not break out my spreadsheet but I was between Nashville, Tennessee which

[00:21:03] you know your international audience so this is a music capital of the world and then Houston Texas which is where a lot of my family was so I couldn't see pass those two options and so one

[00:21:16] of the things I've learned about being creative is sometimes you feel like so stuck between two options it means that you need to activate creativity because there's always more than A or B

[00:21:27] there's always something in between that or around it and it was interesting because I then just released this I it has to be Nashville or Houston I have to make a decision and sure enough

[00:21:39] weird opportunities are ideas started to pop in and I ended up having a conversation with someone who suggested Las Vegas Nevada and I'm sitting here like a Vegas I mean I've been in the Vegas

[00:21:50] to gamble on the hang out but you know so rest creativity and then understanding what in why is important and forget the how so I did that and I realized what was important was that I felt creative

[00:22:07] and I was in a warm place with great people and it was important because that's how I felt the best that was the why so I have all of these things kind of lining up and then I just had to go with my

[00:22:20] gut I ended up just like you know what I did both wide of Vegas and as soon as I got the plane there I'm like this feels like home so it's that self-trust and intuition now I didn't learn any of that

[00:22:31] shit in a business course or in my MBA but for the people that I have worked with who approach big choices next steps and decisions in a way that honors the rest and it's still because of creativity

[00:22:46] and helps them understand the what and why and then how utilize or intuition and self-trust those are the decisions they feel really really great about. The other ones honestly are kind of like

[00:23:00] I hope it worked and then you prayed a God over the next three to six months that everything's going to be okay so that's what I meant by changing the way we made decisions. I just think there's a

[00:23:12] whole different approach that we could use that honors who we are as people and also engages our own insight knowledge. I love that you know focusing on the what and the why I feel like we can

[00:23:25] get so bogged down in the how and we talk ourselves out of doing something before we've even given our chance to give ourselves a chance to do it and it's heartbreaking actually and I know for

[00:23:37] me a recent big decision I made is to move into my van full-time. For probably 10 years I have been ignoring or fighting the voice in my head that's like I just want to do this it feels right I was

[00:23:50] like no I can't do that's too difficult how am I going to afford it how am I going to earn money and then one day I just went fuck it this is what I want to do and I want to do it because

[00:24:01] I think it will give me a sense of freedom it will give me a life where I can travel around and join nature and I just bloody made it happen wasn't easy oh no of course not and in your so right

[00:24:13] in the fact that sometimes we talk ourselves out of things but in that story the what was going to your vape moving into your van and the why was like because this is what makes me feel good I want

[00:24:24] to be around nature and once you were like you know what I'm going to do this the how up here it comes and a lot of times I think it's because now we can see exactly what we want when I said I was

[00:24:36] gonna move to Vegas today exactly how this would work out or when people would ask me and I'm like I'm so clear on what it was why it was important that all these crazy things just started

[00:24:52] I shouldn't say crazy right all these things that just started to like swirl around and it and it happened and it happened in such a great way so it's hard for us who have been taught

[00:25:04] like we have to have steps one two three four and five but that is not how life works it really really isn't and I bet you if you were to go back to some of your favorite experiences

[00:25:16] or your favorite or best decisions in life and trace back how you got there I guarantee it was it would not be this like very structure decision making process it would have been like you felt it

[00:25:30] felt good things started to rally around you and things went in that direction you trusted yourself and so that's what I really want people to understand that. I totally agree and this trusting yourself pieces so important we are emotional beings right we're not machines yet we're taught to

[00:25:52] think very logically but one thing I've realized in life is that when I put myself first or another way of saying that is trust myself amazing things seem to happen these opportunities to seem to come my

[00:26:06] way have you had a similar experience? Sure I mean I always jokingly say on paper there's no way I should be able to feed myself or pay for anything right because everything that I've been told

[00:26:21] which helps make money and all this stuff I just don't do anymore right so starting my business was absolutely a leap of faith in myself and leaving a six figure job because I just knew that I

[00:26:36] couldn't step into the human that I wanted to be when I was still had one foot in this person that I knew I wasn't anymore so I had to let that go some people would have said oh you should

[00:26:49] gradually and you know step by step but for me that wasn't an option that I just had to trust my gut and I went from a six figure job to an hourly job and running a business but yet I always had enough

[00:27:06] I had more than enough then my business really grew when it really shouldn't have like I'm honestly most people and Jimmy just give you some business advice like your first five years or probably

[00:27:16] going to be a struggle right but for me things started to happen and I just started moving in that direction and saying I think this is what I need to do and then at the time pre-pandemic

[00:27:27] a you know pandemic was awful so I just want to say that before you all at bay and start sending me eight now but for my business it happened to be I had set up my entire online fitness infrastructure

[00:27:41] prior to the pandemic I had been really going out there and doing PR because that was something that I felt really led to do when I invested in it when there was no obvious return and I invested

[00:27:53] in it in March of 2020 so as the opportunity started to drop in March April and May as a virtual fitness coach I was inundated with clients so things that on the surface should never have worked out

[00:28:11] really well I made I did very well I served many clients I had to hire six new contractors because I couldn't handle the volume myself so sometimes it's like you may not see the logical steps but

[00:28:27] if you trust in yourself and trust your intuition if things can pop off because you have to remember you don't know what tomorrow is going to bring now what do I wish my business success was not

[00:28:41] the result of a horrible worldwide pandemic absolutely it was a horrible time in a lot of other areas but all I'm saying is that we we're told to do all this planning but there's nothing we don't

[00:28:53] know what tomorrow is gonna be like so you have to just lean into what you think is right what feels good what your gut tells you because there is something really smart and intelligent about your

[00:29:07] own intuition we've both mentioned this shit is an easy so when it gets tough how do you see it through do you have any tips or advice on that I do think the personal development side is critical

[00:29:21] it's not easy it's not easy because 90 not 90 percent I'm just throwing out numbers but many times people are telling you you're wrong and you know we're human I do care what people think I want my

[00:29:34] family and friends to be excited and proud of me and when I feel like I'm fighting in a pill battle all the time so personal development as important and community is important and the

[00:29:44] personal development part a huge part of my investments over the years are not necessarily about like business coaching or you know marketing it's investment in support so helping people help me be a better human helping me process feelings therapy I'm a huge advocate of therapist therapy y'all

[00:30:08] save my life many times and because there's a lot of things that we have to work through or get over and I always say entrepreneurship it's not for the faint of part and if you want to bring up every

[00:30:21] past room trauma you've ever had start a business because it all comes up so there's a lot of the personal development and support that is so critical for me just to be able to hang in there

[00:30:35] but also it's those types of things that help me thrive as well and make help me feel more confident the community part is equally important because just surrounding yourself with people who think a

[00:30:47] little bit like you or who challenge you or who ask you the tough questions and still like love you and support you and care about you is important because again when you're doing hard things

[00:31:01] the last thing you want to feel is alone because there's no upside of being alone and doing scary things and working hard but when you're surrounded by people who are like have your back

[00:31:13] who ask you good questions who when you have a loss and they're like hey but you got out their good job Jennifer and that kind of thing who give you feedback I'm very fortunate to

[00:31:26] you know I recently closed my business community however the people inside that group are still some of the tightest people that I have relationships with and I know that we will always continue to lean on each other for business advice personal advice sending really ridiculous and appropriate

[00:31:47] memes to each other we need to laugh and and the community aspect is is the fun part and so personal development and community that's absolutely what keeps me going when it gets hard

[00:31:59] and when it's fun too right yeah and let's talk about networking because as I did my MBA too an a message that was constantly drummed into me is your network is your network and I hate networking

[00:32:15] I just oh the thought of it just makes me ooh so what do you think about networking and how is it different to community yeah I think networking is one of those ideas that start off as a

[00:32:30] fabulous idea yet in practice we totally ruined so I will say like I typically use the term traditional networking because on the on the basics I don't feel networking is horrible however the traditional networking like hey we're gonna go to an event there's gonna be still cookies

[00:32:53] and punch we've all got our business cards you know we're we're like forcing business cards down each others to grow nobody's really listening we're all giving our little 10 second commercials

[00:33:03] and then afterwards you have a whole set of cards and then you follow up and call and harass people that doesn't build anything the concept of creating community however I love and I was talking

[00:33:17] the other day to a friend and I started thinking like where we are evolving especially in entrepreneurship but also just as humans we've gone from this idea of quantity to quality to intimacy

[00:33:32] and what I mean by that is first like do you remember the whole 10,000 swipes thing or 10,000 followers on on Instagram would give you the swipe up so everybody was like more more and bigger audiences

[00:33:45] bigger email lists and even in networking it's like more cards won't people when you're a network and that's quantity quantity doesn't give you results quantity like if I needed in so in my

[00:33:57] previous job I had to do a lot of stuff without any positional power so I'm working across departments and people and I knew a lot of people but it was the relationships and the deep connection

[00:34:11] that I had with the individuals said and I didn't do it because I wanted something I did it because I liked people and I wanted to if I was in an academic community I wanted to be in the community

[00:34:24] but one of the benefits to that was that I always knew what was going on at every level of the organization which made me invaluable which made me understand how to message things or how to

[00:34:36] you know put proposals forward because I knew who had issues with what what they wanted to achieve I do think community is way more important so there's quantity peace so then we do go to quality everybody now relationship relationships relationships unless do relationships but it's still kind of

[00:34:53] like but I still want something from you so it's like it's still transactional so it's like yeah you might take me to dinner or we have we go to a game I remember growing up my dad's company always had

[00:35:05] tickets so and when they couldn't go we went so I've seen a lot of games but um you know that's still transactional right that's really not the way to build like the the essence of what you

[00:35:20] really eat and these deep connected trusting relationships so I think the real thing that we're trying to get to now is intimacy so when I say the word intimacy that's not just like I know

[00:35:34] you that's like I know you like we know each other you care about me I care about what's going on in your life and I think the key is which I think is the hardest part for all the goos out there

[00:35:49] we talk about networking is you have to do it with no expectations you actually have to care about people so that would be like intimacy would be like sharing core values well yeah you got a really

[00:36:02] no people to know what their core values are asking questions spending time intimacy is also a long game you and I are going to go from zero to intimate in five seconds and we're in a business

[00:36:13] card exchange that might just be the first step in connecting so when I talk to people and I often give this talk about connection or building connection for impact I provide people ways to create that

[00:36:29] quality and intimacy that truly creates these communities and connections that make a difference and that you can really call upon because in reality it's like we're told like oh if you want to

[00:36:45] change a law of right your congress person that's not how it really works if you want to change a law in this place you lobbyist money you know contribute to their super PAC and blah blah there's a

[00:36:56] we're told that this is the way the world works but in reality it's not the way the world works you really have to tap into your communities and influence but the communities and influence are not

[00:37:08] created from networking they're created from intimacy and care I will go to bat for you Rosie because we have a real connection I care about you I want to see you win we share the same values

[00:37:23] I know by you succeeding my you know the life that I want to create in the future I know create will also be great that's why when I help you not because you give me something you know the real

[00:37:36] hard difficult changes happen when you have these close intimate real relationships with people so that's why I sometimes I'm like anti networking because a lot of times when people talk about networking is that very transactional piece that I think is is is futile but it's not really how

[00:37:55] the world works totally agree and what you said about you know developing that intimacy with connections is a long game that is so true I'm just it made me think of an example in my life recently

[00:38:09] is there was a professor at the university I was studying at and I just thought she was so cool I'm like she's such a powerful woman and had similar values done amazing really meaningful things

[00:38:23] I'm like I need to get to know this person like I had no expectation or thoughts of what I'm going to get from her other than this person is amazing over two years you know we kept getting

[00:38:36] to know each other and guess what happened from that I got a job because of my connection with her as a course coordinator in a master's program and I didn't have a PhD which is really unusual

[00:38:51] in academia right and that came from this intimate relationship blows my mind right it's so I love it like going back to what you said your net worth isn't your network see it's not

[00:39:03] untrue but you know what I mean the way that we go about creating a network and I I like the work community a lot better because I think that means something different like they don't hold

[00:39:16] on to people I know but not all those people are my my people you know my people and so I do believe that you have a lot of value in your community but you have to understand that your

[00:39:29] net work is not just a whole bunch of randos there are people that you know you actually build real deep meaningful relationships where absolutely I love you take on it and I am such a huge

[00:39:43] advocate for community like it's it's the way to go absolutely it's it's just amazing and I'm working on developing my you know my community and finding my people which is a process right

[00:39:56] some people I'm like you know you're not my person like nice to meet you see later I'm not going to say oh let's catch up for coffee which is something that always seems to happen in traditional

[00:40:08] networking oh my goodness did you listen to my last talk right here let's move back to something you're saying earlier you were talking about leaning into our creativity and I agree with you

[00:40:23] but almost everybody I talk to you guys I'm not creative what do you have to say to those people yeah I used to say that myself and that's because I think we all describe creativity is like being

[00:40:35] artsy and right and like dancing and poetry and I had someone reframe it for me and it was more like the right brain so the left brain is like all the logic and all of the you know the data and

[00:40:51] analysis and and that's important too I mean we we definitely want those things like we're doing complex tasks I want my doctor to be using logic and stuff like that but there's this other part

[00:41:03] that is so knowledgeable and cool and that's that creative side that right brain and yet I think particularly and I work with a lot of women I think we're highly discouraged from using

[00:41:16] those parts of us and I think that's where intuition and knowing and comes from what I've learned is that there are ways for us to unlock the creative or that other side of our brain because

[00:41:29] logic would have told me Las Vegas was a terrible idea but my creative brain the knowing there was a knowing that it had that it doesn't get to it's got to bust through that logic part to be like

[00:41:41] hey I'm here I'm here listen to me and I remember doing a guided visualization which I'm so not woo or at least I didn't used to be I'm not necessarily someone who's like meditating every day maybe

[00:41:58] I should do more of that I don't but I remember doing a guided visualization and it just was a method to unlock that side so we weren't chanting but it's like she just told a story and she asked

[00:42:10] questions in the story and that story helped me understand that a place like I remember in the story I was in a place with mountains and desert and and pretty plants and it was warm I was wearing

[00:42:26] shorts and I wanted to explore it and I feel like in my brain my brain knew that Las Vegas or a place like Las Vegas was perfect for me but the logical side says that's too far yeah or you

[00:42:41] don't know anybody there or you don't have family and so one of the things that I've learned are there so many things we can do to let the other very wise part of our brain have a have a say

[00:42:54] and it could be things like music or dancing or just you know whatever you feel like whatever makes you feel relaxed visualization meditation some people like drop pictures I don't know

[00:43:09] for me it is music and it's feeling rested and fun and I do do some of those guided visualization because it's so weird how just shutting off that logic part and letting the other side shine through

[00:43:24] can give you answers that are equally as powerful yeah I'm just absorbing that I think it's it's so true creativity in fact is one of my core values but let's talk about rest I feel like rest is not something that's encouraged or seen as acceptable especially for women

[00:43:50] what are your thoughts on rest and especially in western cultures or productivity right you know this is one of those things where I feel like culturally that we are conditioned to feed the

[00:44:01] machine you know and the machine might be like money or capitalism or production but once again it doesn't serve anybody not especially not women but honestly not anybody because if you really want me to be productive let me rest and rest isn't just sleep rest is cannot remember

[00:44:25] the name of the woman wrote a book on rest the seven different types of rest. I listen to Jennifer's podcast it's in the it is thank you I see I remember to but also there's rest as

[00:44:38] resistance and that's another great book but rest really is like taking that time for yourself to turn off all the stuff so there's like emotional rest there's a I'm gonna call it tech rest I know

[00:44:53] that's not exactly the term that was used in the book but think about all the like the notifications and the blames and the blooms and the blooms and you know we both have dogs while we're recording

[00:45:01] and so I've got these dogs in the background my cell phone is you know pinging and you know and that does something to you you also physically you know many times we're burning the candle at both ends

[00:45:12] which I know in western cultures sometimes a scene as a badge of honor but now it's like well that's just dumb it is why am I wearing myself out you know emotional rest like there are things

[00:45:26] that we're all dealing with that are difficult and sometimes you need a break and so I think rest is the precursor to anything good I really believe that because there's no way that you know whatever

[00:45:41] life you want whatever joyful life whatever your dream life is you're not doing it from a place of grind no matter what anybody tells you you have to have the foundation of rest and have your you know

[00:45:56] neuro whatever I'm not a doctor and I know someone's gonna be like oh you're a neuro perfect numbering whatever but all I'm saying it's like sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous

[00:46:10] there you go that's what I was saying you go um you it needs to you need to be at a place of rest in calm and from there that's when you can tap into your creativity that's when you feel really

[00:46:21] certain about yourself trust that's when you can answer the questions on what why is important but you can't do it from a place of panic or tiredness or exhaustion or you know over productive

[00:46:33] over productivity you have to start from a foundation of rest yeah and be kind to yourself like why why are we trying to hurt ourselves so much like I I like myself and I'd like to be around

[00:46:46] and enjoy myself and enjoy every single day as much as possible and I can only do that if I'm coming from a place of feeling replenished feeling creative and feeling good and you need rest

[00:46:59] regularly to do that and you know what this is made me think of there's some gurus out there and I'm thinking particularly of Gary V. I'm sure you're familiar with him and his all about the

[00:47:12] mind the grind and the hustle right and putting in all that and you know he has a lot of valuable things to say but I really push back on this you know you have to grind for 30 years and go go

[00:47:23] that's just not sustainable to benefits hmm who benefit that's a great time to insert that and also I guess and I like Gary V. Like I like his personality I think he said definitely

[00:47:39] it wasn't those books but I also want to remember or ask people to remember Gary V has a different upbringing different life-different advantages he's a white male I believe if I remember correctly

[00:47:53] his family like owned the wine shop or whatever so we got started so it's like okay so his grind might be like I worked really hard for you know this amount of time and then I was able to

[00:48:05] hire people because I made a lot of money but for someone who did not grow up with those types of resources or advantages or whatever I just think that it's a different conversation for each person so

[00:48:17] you know Gary V. may have had that great experience and now he makes a millions millions of dollars and yeah maybe he's still grinding but his grind might be I've hired 25 employees right

[00:48:27] yeah you know I appreciate that everyone has their own unique experience but I also think it's important to remember that we cannot assume and translate our experiences to everyone else that's

[00:48:38] why in the way that I like to coach people it's not saying this is how you do it it's like here are tools for you to determine what is best for you so you know no shade to Gary V and I think

[00:48:53] you've cool but I can't I don't think I can relate to him in terms of how what it took for me to build a business that I loved also how is Gary V defining success maybe the grind is part

[00:49:09] of his happiness I don't know yeah I hate that same make sure I don't I don't want to have 30 people working around I don't want to be you know on every social media channel every I don't want

[00:49:21] so I think that we it's so important for us to define our own breast have our own definition of success and also be responsible enough to understand that when we're giving advice not everyone

[00:49:35] has the same background or experience or access to resources so it's not the same advice you know telling Gary V and telling you know like a kid from the ghetto who's never had anything

[00:49:49] that the work hard is a totally different set of this is totally different advice yeah and I think advice can be dangerous sometimes right because it's very prescriptive and you know you and I

[00:50:01] have very different life experiences I can't just give you advice because it worked for me it's going to work for you so I love your take that you give people the tools to be out of figure out

[00:50:12] what's right for them but I want to go back to rest something I hear all the time I don't have time for that I don't have time what do you say to that whatever you believe is the truth

[00:50:25] make time for it you you don't have time for it but you know I I just believe that again I want to take my own advice and say that not everyone is going to have the same ability

[00:50:40] to do the same things when it comes to rest however we can all get creative and understand what rest means rest may not mean going to the spot or it may not mean sleeping in extra hour you might

[00:50:54] have three minutes to do something that's rejuvenating for yourself maybe it's like I'm going to sit down and have a glass of water at my desk and close my eyes and take three deep breaths

[00:51:05] I'm going to turn off my foam so I don't get notifications after 7 p.m. So I just think that we all have time for something right it may look completely different like

[00:51:19] and you know the bubble baths and all that stuff that we see and then you know yeah that's nice too I mean I like a good massage and I'm kind of carrying out rub my feet you'll really great

[00:51:31] but I also know that sometimes something like just playing it getting on the floor and playing with my dogs is kind of the release that I might need so I would say for people who don't have time

[00:51:43] I would just ask them to really how are they defining rest what kind of rest do they need and what could they do in like 30 seconds I think we can all find about 30 seconds to do something

[00:51:57] for me it might be like rubbing my neck or it might be like or like my thing is I go to the gym that is my mental and emotional rest because I can zone out

[00:52:08] and I love it it's not my physical risk but it helps me get that physical risk it's that I'm sorry I want to go to bed but yeah I just think we we have to define the type of

[00:52:19] rest that we need and recognize that it doesn't have to be some giant action it can be something very simple yeah and something small can make all the difference now a question I like to end with

[00:52:30] on this podcast is the concept of freedom can you tell me what freedom means to you I think you'd make me cry out this one I've never cried out of podcasts um I've been really

[00:52:46] exploring that sorry I could really explain that the last six months and to me the freedom really is and fully trusting and believing in myself from the little girl who always

[00:53:03] have the rules and people telling her what to do and what her relationships should look like and what her life should look like to being the person who just says I'm care I this is what I want this

[00:53:14] is what makes me happy and trusting my gut because every time I've truly trusted my gut I am so happy and I feel so free and that's what freedom means to me just really being able to

[00:53:31] fully trust and love myself so that I'm creating the life that feels good to me and not feeling bad about it yeah so I love your take on freedom and I just want to remind people that it's

[00:53:48] different for everybody but I think it goes deeper than oh financial freedom that could be part of it but that's pretty surface level there's a lot more to it so I encourage people to think about

[00:54:01] that what does freedom look like to you what is most important to you and how can you start moving towards that or why I should say we're not worried about the how why do you want to start moving

[00:54:11] towards that and what is it you're moving towards thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and being so vulnerable I didn't mean to make you cry but thank you for showing up as you true

[00:54:21] self right that's your raw emotions yeah well that's a sign of a good podcast host I mean you're making what's cry like oh no I enjoyed my time and you're such a smart cookie and you

[00:54:37] asked me some amazingly great questions so this was such a joy to be on this podcast and so I know the people who you coach and work with you are getting such an amazing experience so kudos to you

[00:54:50] and thank you so much for inviting me to be a guest. I'm just being a pleasure if this episode resonated with you at all could I please ask that you share it with a friend who you think could get

[00:55:03] value from it and whilst you're doing that make sure you follow and subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss another episode and whilst you're following or subscribing please leave us

[00:55:14] a rating preferably five stars and also a written review doing each of these things is going to help this podcast reach more people and impact more lives which is at the end of the day

[00:55:28] is what we're here to do. Thank you so much I appreciate you remember you matter your worth it and you are so so capable take care of yourself and I'll see you next week