13: Dealing With Stress and Perceiving Change as an Opportunity for Growth

[00:00:00] Hello, hello and welcome back to another episode. I'm really excited to have you here. Just quickly wanted to interrupt before I roll the episode. I am in a bit of a pickle at the moment and I need your help. I feel very uncomfortable asking this but my electrical system has carked it.

[00:00:22] This is what allows me to live in the van off-grid, leading this lifestyle, running the podcast and my business. So at the moment I'm stuck in a caravan park having to pay rent so that I can have electricity. To replace my electrical system it is going to cost at least $5,000. If I want high quality components it could cost up to $10,000.

[00:00:50] It's a lot of money. I don't have it right now. I was meant to be getting $18,500 in this month from a client. Unfortunately they're refusing to pay that invoice. So I'm really stuck and I'm just asking if you've ever got value from this podcast would you consider helping me raise some money so that I can replace my electrical system?

[00:01:16] It would mean the world to me. The link will be in the show notes or you can go to thepursuitoffreedom.com.au forward slash help. Right, that's enough of my sob story. Let's roll the episode. It's going to be a good one. G'day and welcome to the Pursuit of Freedom podcast. I'm your host Rosie Burrows and I'm on a journey to find my freedom

[00:01:40] so that I can help you do exactly the same. Join me each week as I share the stories of everyday people who've found their own path to freedom. I'm not going to focus on job titles and accolades because I don't care about that stuff and neither should you. I want to uncover what truly makes you tick. Who are you when you step away from society's expectations

[00:02:03] and follow your heart? I still haven't figured it out yet. Have you? Either way, buckle up because it's going to be one hell of a ride. Hello, hello you wonderful human being and welcome back to another episode of the Pursuit of Freedom. I'm a bit late this week. I was a couple of weeks ago as well. If you're not up to date, lots is going on in my life. I've got about five, six weeks before I move into my van and travel around with my dog.

[00:02:33] So I'm madly trying to finish the conversion and clear out my house. It's a lot and it's actually really stressful which is why I'm not quite on top of things at the moment with the podcast but it's important to me to keep it going because it's something I've wanted to do for a long time and it's a creative outlet for me. Let's go back to stress because that is what I want to talk about today. There is a very high price to pay when we don't keep our stress in check.

[00:03:01] I'm sure a lot of you can relate to that. So I want to unpack what stress is, what causes it and what can we bloody do about it because it's not good. When we let it run wild, it really has some pretty dire consequences. So let's dive right in. I want to talk about stress I guess in the context of change because this podcast is all about the pursuit of freedom and

[00:03:28] guess what that means? It means making changes in your life and change is kind of stressful. So let's dive into understanding the psychology of change, how it affects our stress levels during these major life transitions and see what we can uncover. So change. It's an inevitable part of life,

[00:03:53] right? But even though we go through it so often, some more than others, it's stressful and it brings along all these strong emotions. It is a lot. Our brains are wired. We are wired to seek stability, safety, routine. So when we deviate from that by making change, it triggers stress. It triggers this

[00:04:21] stress response in our bodies. We're like, whoa, this is different. I don't feel safe. It goes back to that whole fight or flight response when we perceive a threat. Now bodies are going, whoa, you're changing things. This is a threat. Oh my God. Oh my God. But actually, we know that often these life changes aren't threatening to us, but our bodies are perceiving it that way.

[00:04:48] We can't fight our biology. So how do we deal with this? So think about it. When we're stressed, we're in that fight or flight response, we're releasing hormones, cortisol, adrenaline. It can cause us or affect our sleep. It can cause anxiety and other physical symptoms that might upset your tummy. I know that happens to me. And think about whatever, what other symptoms come up

[00:05:17] for you when you are stressed. I often eat a lot. Some people don't eat. I just can't stop. It's my, it's my coping mechanism. I'll just stuff myself with food. I'll go into overdrive and I'm not sleeping properly. So I'm running on empty. I'll take on too much and I'll just go, go, go, go. And often just grind myself down until I have to stop because my body physically and mentally cannot do

[00:05:44] anymore. It's not good. And then of course there's the anxiety, the fear, the uncertainty that comes with change. These are important emotions. But again, if we let them take over, it's debilitating. How the heck do we handle them? And I guess it does vary from person to person. You might be listening to this going, no, that doesn't happen to me. I would say you're in denial actually, but Hey, maybe you do

[00:06:14] handle it a little bit differently. So have a think about that. How do you handle stress? Stress. I know for my partner for years, we've been together eight years, a bit more. She said, no, I'm not stressed. I'm not stressed, Rosie. I'll say, no, you're stressed. I can see it. You're burning out. No, no, no. Well, in the past few months, she's begun to recognize when she's stressed. It's amazing. I mean, for me, it's a bit frustrating to watch because I've known all this time

[00:06:42] she's stressed at different, different periods of her life. But what an amazing milestone for her to begin to recognize it because now she's beginning to take measures to manage it better. And it's amazing to see, and you can do the same. So have a think, what comes up for you when you are stressed? Maybe you shut down completely. You stop socializing. Maybe you're rude to people. I don't know.

[00:07:10] Maybe you stop eating. Stop looking after yourself. There's no self-care. I don't know. Have a think. Because once you recognize those red flags, you can begin to, I guess, mitigate them and recognize them early. Make changes so that the stress doesn't go off the charts. You're still going to feel that stress, but keep it manageable. Keep it manageable. You can do that. It's totally possible.

[00:07:38] Now, another thing about stress is our perception of it. So for me, I often, or sorry, not stress, change. I often see change as an opportunity for growth. So freaking exciting. Whereas others, their default is to resist change because they perceive that threat. Whether or not that's conscious,

[00:08:02] they perceive this threat and they shut down, but no, I can't do that. It's so different or that's not the way we do things. Not to say I don't have those reactions. I do sometimes. But I think my overall perception of change is that it's an opportunity for growth. So really challenge what your perception is. Begin to see it as an opportunity. Change is huge. And yes, it's scary and it's stressful and it's so

[00:08:31] uncertain. We don't know how these things are going to turn out. And as human beings, we hate that. We don't like it when we're not in control. But it's so exciting. Who knows what's on the other side? I think it's great. It is an opportunity for growth. And if you want to achieve your freedom, whatever that looks like, you are going to have to make some changes because clearly if you're listening to this or you're thinking about a better life, that means you're not quite happy with how things

[00:09:01] are at the moment. And if you want things to look different, you're going to have to make some changes. So whether you're looking to change jobs, move house, end a relationship, begin a new one, just know stress is a natural response, but we need to be able to manage it so we can cope

[00:09:25] effectively and actually move forward in a productive way. Just know this all starts with a willingness to actually explore and embrace our natural reactions to change. Life has twists and turns. Some of them are fucking shit. I'm not going to lie. The death of my parents were fucking shit. But those changes in my life have brought me experiences

[00:09:55] that help shape who I am. I wouldn't go so far as to say the loss of my parents was a gift or that it was positive. It wasn't. But I can recognize the growth I've made as a person as a result of those changes in my life. Now, they were changes outside of my control, which is also important. But there's been changes in my life that I'm in control of and I choose to make the change. For example, starting this podcast,

[00:10:22] leaving the nine to five and wanting to set up a business, they are changes I have brought upon myself, which bring with it a whole other type of stress. Anyway, let's identify these sources stresses. I kind of touched on it because again, in the context of change, there is change that we choose and there is change that we do not. No matter what it is, we need to recognize those

[00:10:52] red flags. When it's change that is just thrown upon us, I think it's important to really know yourself. If you know those red flags that pop up for you when you're stressed, you can go, oh shit, okay, I need to slow down a little bit. I need to make sure I go for a walk today. I just need five minutes to clear my head. Whatever it is, it could look different. And these things might sound silly,

[00:11:21] but it makes a difference. And if you can loop people in, those who you are close to, so perhaps they can be on the lookout for those red flags and help support you, that'll make it easier. You don't have to do this alone. And in fact, I strongly recommend you don't do it alone because it adds to the stress. This is something I struggle with because I'm fiercely independent and I don't want to be seen

[00:11:47] as useless or incompetent. And so often I won't ask for help, but I get, I have got better over time and asking for help. I function a lot better. And the people in my life want to help. They want to. So why would I not let them? It makes life better for everybody. Just remember that. Don't battle this

[00:12:13] out alone. You don't need to. And the same goes for when you're the one who's bringing about the change. You do need to be aware of the red flags. But the other thing you can do is gauge how big of a change you're going to make. You know yourself best. So maybe moving across the world is too much for you right now. Maybe moving states or cities is more appropriate. But one thing I would say is that

[00:12:41] because of our natural response to want things to be in the routine and feel safe and secure, sometimes we took ourselves out of change. So be aware of that. Try to call yourself out on that bullshit, which is hard. And this is where you need other people in your life to talk to. And they can go, you know what? You're not challenging yourself enough. This is bullcrap. You can do more. Or they

[00:13:06] will say, well, this is too much. You know, I think you're going to push yourself over the edge. Or have you thought about what might happen if the stress gets out of control? What are some strategies you can bring in to help keep that in check? And just remember, like, you know yourself best and listen to other people, but you don't have to do what they say. It's your decision. Don't be living

[00:13:33] a life for someone else. This is about you. So remember why you are making this change. I made the change to leave a nine to five and start a business because I want a life where I have more control over the type of work I'm doing. And when I'm doing it, it's allowing me to travel around in my van, which is exciting. This matters to me. And even though it's stressing me out and it's scary

[00:14:02] and I haven't got an income right now, I know that I want to give this a shot. And if I don't continue down this path, I'm going to regret not actually giving it a proper try. That's my why. What's yours? Maybe it's not clear yet, but the clearer you are on why you're making a change, the easier it will be to persevere. So let's talk about some of these coping strategies.

[00:14:26] Oh, I just did one there, a deep breath. It's something simple, but it really works. Just pause, take a deep breath. Maybe you need to close your eyes, put your phone away for five minutes, go outside, get some sunshine or some natural light. Deep breath is really helpful.

[00:14:51] And if you haven't tried meditation, keep an open mind, give it a go. Guided meditation, I'd recommend. It's not something I'd tried until maybe two years ago. And I wouldn't say I do it regularly, but when I do do it, it just helps ground me. Even if it's just a 10 minute little thing, I'll put a link into to a guided meditation in the description. If you're curious on what it might be like, keep an open mind, try it. You might want to do it a couple of times to see what it's like.

[00:15:21] Try to do it in a space where there's not distractions. Something I find useful is moving on from meditation, is going for a walk. Being in nature just grounds me preferably away from traffic noise that just really sets me on edge hearing traffic noise, which isn't great when you live in a city and live in a house that is down the road from the motorway and there's roadworks. Anyway, story for another time. So getting out in nature, going for a walk,

[00:15:49] maybe it's listening to a podcast, listening to your favorite song, playing fetch with your dog, having a cuddle with your cat, spending some time with your partner. Maybe it's reading a chapter of writing a book, writing a poem. Journaling can be really powerful. Don't put pressure on yourself to sit down. I like using a pen, but maybe you're into typing and just write it down. It's a stream of

[00:16:15] consciousness. Don't think about it. It's just, it's word vomit. Get it all out. You don't even need to read it back. Just get it out. It's like venting and there's no judgment. Get it all out there. It's great. Maybe you're someone who's artistic. Play the piano or the guitar, write a song, write a poem, catch up with a friend. If you're someone who likes phone calls, have a chat on the phone,

[00:16:40] maybe send a text or a voice, a voice message. Go out for brekkie, cook yourself a yummy meal, have a little bonfire, find the things that bring you joy and stop using the excuse that you don't have time. You need to make the bloody time. That excuse drives me nuts. You are the most important

[00:17:03] thing in your life. You are the most important thing in your life. If you're not on in top form, you're not going to be helping anyone else. It's the truth. So start looking after yourself and make the fucking time. You get that? Make the fucking time. No apologies for the swearing. You have to

[00:17:30] make the time. And it, I know that sometimes it feels like you don't have time, especially when you're in the middle of change and there's so much to do. Like me at the moment, I have so much to do, but I'm making the time to do this podcast because this is something that helps me de-stress, believe it or not. So it's going to take maybe an hour out of my time by the time I record and edit

[00:17:54] it, probably more, but I can do it in little goes and I'm already feeling better for it just sitting here talking to you. Or really, I'm just looking at my camera with a microphone in front of my face. It's ridiculous. But here we are. This is a bit of self-care that helps me deal with stress. So have a think about it. What helps you? What brings you joy? Maybe you need a lot of time out. Maybe it's just short little chunks of time,

[00:18:22] but figure it out. And remember, lean on the people around you. They're there to support you. Don't do this alone. Maybe you need to see a healthcare professional. That's cool too. And that's important. It's something I do. I see my general practitioner. I see my psychologist and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's useful. Yeah, it's a drag getting out of the house

[00:18:49] or booking the appointment and dealing with cancellations and paying the money, but actually it's worth it because I am the most important thing in my life and you are the most important thing in your life. Sounds fucking selfish. Well, guess what it is? And there's nothing wrong with that. You're important. The most important. You're probably not going to believe that, but it's true. So look after yourself and make the time.

[00:19:17] Whew! Right. One more thing I want to talk about, and this goes back to your mindset or your perception of change. Stop viewing it as a negative stressor and start viewing it as the potential for growth. View it in a positive light, even if it's change that perhaps was thrust upon you and you

[00:19:40] didn't choose. Like I remember when my mum got her terminal brain cancer diagnosis. Fucking shit, right? And out of my control. But something beautiful that came of that is I got to spend more time with my mum. It was so special. So special. Like I have such fond memories of that time. There's really horrible

[00:20:09] memories in there too, watching her suffer. But such beautiful memories. So when changes thrust upon you, I mean, don't get into the whole toxic positivity thing. I'm not into that at all. Life can be shit. And we can't avoid that. We need to grieve. We need to feel angry. We need to vent. And those negative

[00:20:31] emotions are healthy. But also, where's the opportunity in the change? What can come of it? You choose the direction you want to go in next. There's so many different paths you could take. So take control of the direction you go in. And having your stress in check is going to help you be able to be clear headed and actually make a choice or choose a direction that you feel aligned

[00:21:00] with, you're happy with, you're settled in. But just know if you make a choice that actually turned out to be shit, you can change it. You're not stuck. Okay? You can change your situation. We always have a choice. We might not have the choices we necessarily want, but there is always a choice.

[00:21:22] Don't forget it. Let's start viewing change as not just terrifying, but exciting. I'm always saying that to people, you know, I'm excited for going into my van and traveling, but I'm also fucking terrified. It's both. And I think that's a really healthy mix. We don't want to go too far to positive positivity or too far to negativity. We need a mix of both. And that's what makes life so exciting.

[00:21:52] So to wrap up, I want you to spend some time identifying your red flags when you're getting stressed. Those first warning signs, and maybe even the signs that come up for you when it's going too far, you're at the edge of the cliff, you know, what are those signs? And then think about what brings you joy and some of the strategies you can use. So when you are stressed, you can help keep it in

[00:22:20] check because remember, you are the most important thing in your life. You are the most important thing in your life. You've got to put yourself first and it's fucking hard to do. It is so hard. It's something I'm still working on, but I am getting better at it every single day. And actually, I'm really proud of myself. It feels great. Part of putting myself first is saying no to things. Fuck off.

[00:22:47] I don't want to do that. I might not say fuck off to the person, but that's the energy I have. It's like, no, thanks, but no thanks. So that's me. That's all I have to say for today. I came in feeling super stressed before I hit record and now I'm actually feeling invigorated and ready for my day. This was a strategy for me to help keep my stress in check.

[00:23:12] So do something for you today and let me know. Send me an email, rosie at cookalini.com. Let me know what's a strategy you use to manage your stress. And don't forget, you're the most important thing in your life. I'll see you next week. Oh, and one more thing I want to share. This episode was scripted by ChatGPT because I was fucking stressed and didn't know where to start. So I put in a prompt telling it to give me an outline

[00:23:42] for a half an hour episode about stress. Now it didn't turn out to be half an hour, but here I am. It helped me and I didn't exactly stick to it. And some of it didn't feel like me at the beginning. It was kind of a bit all over the place, but you know what? It got me going. It's a strategy I use to help manage my stress. No shame, right? And also it's given me confidence that I can probably write a better outline than ChatGPT, but it's good to know that when I'm feeling

[00:24:08] stuck, I can get a few prompts to get me on my way. If this episode resonated with you at all, could I please ask that you share it with a friend who you think could get value from it? And whilst you're doing that, make sure you follow and subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss another episode. And whilst you're following or subscribing, please leave us a rating, preferably

[00:24:32] five stars, and also a written review. Doing each of these things is going to help this podcast reach more people and impact more lives, which is at the end of the day is what we're here to do. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. Remember you matter, you're worth it, and you are so, so capable. Take care of yourself and I'll see you next week.

[00:24:56] I really hope you enjoyed that episode as much as I did. I am in a bit of a pickle at the moment. My electrical system has carked it. This is what allows me to live in the van off-grid, leading this lifestyle, running the podcast and my business. So at the moment, I'm stuck in a

[00:25:25] caravan park, having to pay rent so that I can have electricity. To replace my electrical system, it is going to cost at least $5,000. If I want high quality components, it could cost up to $10,000. It's a lot of money. I don't have it right now. I was meant to be getting $18,500 in this month from

[00:25:50] a client. Unfortunately, they're refusing to pay that invoice. So I'm really stuck and I'm just asking if you've ever got value from this podcast, would you consider helping me raise some money so that I can replace my electrical system? It would mean the world to me. The link will be in the show notes or you can go to the pursuitoffreedom.com.au forward slash help.