25: Losing Weight Should be About Enjoying Yourself, not Restricting Yourself

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_01]: G'day and welcome to the Pursuit of Freedom podcast.

[00:00:05] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host, Rosie Burrows, and I'm on a journey to find my freedom so that I can

[00:00:09] [SPEAKER_01]: help you do exactly the same.

[00:00:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Join me each week as I share the stories of everyday people who've found their own path

[00:00:16] [SPEAKER_01]: to freedom.

[00:00:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to focus on job titles and accolades because I don't care about that stuff, and

[00:00:22] [SPEAKER_01]: neither should you.

[00:00:24] [SPEAKER_01]: I want to uncover what truly makes you tick.

[00:00:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Who are you when you step away from society's expectations and follow your heart?

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I still haven't figured it out yet.

[00:00:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Have you?

[00:00:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Either way, buckle up because it's going to be one hell of a ride.

[00:00:41] [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back.

[00:00:42] [SPEAKER_01]: This is episode 25 of the Pursuit of Freedom podcast.

[00:00:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Can you hear the excitement in my voice?

[00:00:49] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm ready and rearing to go for this year.

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I lost my momentum a bit last year, but here we are.

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to try and keep up with the weekly episodes.

[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Hopefully you can hear me okay.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_01]: It's pissing down with rain.

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm in my van, and naturally it's really loud.

[00:01:06] [SPEAKER_01]: But today I'm talking to Jaylen Knight.

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_01]: She's a weight loss mindset coach.

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_01]: It's so refreshing to hear her talk about weight loss.

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_01]: She's a huge advocate that it should be an enjoyable process.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_01]: It shouldn't make you miserable.

[00:01:24] [SPEAKER_01]: She's got so much value to offer, some really useful tools and tips to help you if you are

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_01]: on a weight loss journey of your own.

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I know that many of us have been down that path, and if you're anything like me, it's

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_01]: not always great and it isn't always sustainable.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Before I roll the episode, I just want to give a content warning.

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_01]: We are talking about weight loss, body image, eating, exercise, our relationship with the

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_01]: scales.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_01]: If you need to skip this one, please do.

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_01]: You can come back next week.

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I love you.

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_01]: You're worth it.

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Let's roll the episode.

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Jaylen, thank you so much for joining me today.

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I've been really looking forward to this conversation.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I'd love to dive right in because you are a weight loss mindset coach.

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I know that wasn't always the case.

[00:02:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Can you take us back?

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_01]: What was life like for you leading up to this?

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Sure.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Real quick, overhaul of my history is I actually went to school for business and thought I

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00]: was going to be in the corporate world for quite some time.

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_00]: While I was in school, I ended up teaching aerobic classes as we called them back in the

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_00]: day.

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_00]: That really struck a chord with me.

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: It was something I never thought was something that I would do.

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_00]: It really helped me become who I am and really find myself and find my voice and all those

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00]: things.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I had a degree.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I felt like I should use it, so I did.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I did that for several years, but I was just getting kind of antsy, not really satisfied

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_00]: with that.

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_00]: So, I dipped my toe back into the fitness world and decided that I absolutely loved it.

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I jumped ship from corporate into full-time fitness.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I have been doing that for 15, 18, 20 years.

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I haven't done the math.

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Wow.

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_00]: But just in the last couple of years, I started getting a little bit antsy about wanting

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_00]: more from that because my clients are amazing and I love helping them with their fitness.

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_00]: They show up and they do amazing in the class, but then there's so much more to life outside

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00]: of a fitness class that I was having trouble connecting and getting them inspired into

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_00]: having a full-life transformation.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I've really gotten into the coaching side of things, which I am just finding so fulfilling.

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_00]: It's just so much more holistic and how much further and deeper and more meaningful I'm

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_00]: able to help and help women transform their lives.

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Because I come from such a fitness background and so many women come to me with wanting

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_00]: to change their weight, I have also niched into weight loss.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_00]: It's very much more about mindset and changing the way you perceive yourself in the world

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_00]: and how you interact with it.

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And then when you do all those things, the weight comes off.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I love it so much.

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_01]: I've had like many women out there or most women, I could probably say, I've had my own

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_01]: weight loss journey, right?

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And it's a bloody rollercoaster, I can tell you that.

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_01]: And I think one of the really common things that's pushed is calorie restriction or even

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_01]: cutting out certain macronutrients out of your diet.

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_01]: And I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I have a lot.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Let's hear it.

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_00]: So I've had my own weight struggles and that's also reasons that inspired me into where I've

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_00]: gone.

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_00]: And for so long, I was following what was known and it was eat more, eat less, what

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to be versus what they were telling me, eat less, move more.

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And that was kind of preached into us even in full-time fitness worlds.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_00]: That's what you have to get your clients to do.

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_00]: They have to follow these things and they have to eat this way.

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_00]: And it was nothing about mindset, nothing about behavioral change or how to get anybody

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_00]: to want to make these changes.

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_00]: And it was not fun for me.

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00]: It was not fun for my clients.

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_00]: And I knew that there was something not right, but it took me a while to sort of figure out

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_00]: how to make it better.

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_00]: And so what we've learned so much is that there's so much about restriction and so much

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_00]: when you get into that restriction mindset, and we can delve into the neuroscience of

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_00]: it if you'd like.

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00]: But it goes against our very nature to want to restrict ourselves and to put ourselves

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_00]: into these uncomfortable situations.

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's why we don't.

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_00]: We fall out of it.

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_00]: We do things to stop it, sabotage it, all those things.

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's completely normal that we would do it that way, as opposed to if you take a very

[00:06:06] [SPEAKER_00]: different mindset about feeding yourself with abundance and choosing things that feel good

[00:06:12] [SPEAKER_00]: in your body and creating different associations with the things that actually feel good to

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_00]: you versus just something that tastes good right now.

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_00]: But when you make these different associations, it's not about you can't have this.

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_00]: You can have whatever you want, but now you actually want to choose the things that feel

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_00]: good in your body, which happen to be the whole foods and the things that breathe life

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_00]: into us.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_00]: And when you're feeding yourself those kinds of things, you're not going to put on weight

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_00]: the way that you did before.

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're already overweight and eating all of the processed things that don't actually

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_00]: feel good in your body, then you will naturally lose that weight.

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I love that approach.

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_01]: I think a lot of us have fallen into the calorie restriction basket.

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_01]: I know for me, like I have my weight loss journey is just it kind of repeats itself.

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Right. So in the past, I've definitely got into calorie restriction.

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_01]: That's what everybody says, right?

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Limit your calories, exercise more like you were saying.

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_01]: And the weight comes off.

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_01]: So in that sense, it works.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_01]: You lose all this weight.

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Like for me, I'd lose it really quickly, like 20, 25 kilos in the space of three to four

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_01]: months, which probably isn't the healthiest.

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_01]: But the weight comes off and then you stop the calorie restriction because it's not

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_01]: sustainable. And guess what?

[00:07:35] [SPEAKER_01]: The weight comes back on because it doesn't really address nothing.

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_01]: It's the underlying cause.

[00:07:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_01]: And I know there's you know, what comes to mind is Noom, which I think is an app.

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, they preach that they have a different approach.

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_01]: But I also know I'm fairly sure they tell their users to weigh in daily, which to me

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_01]: doesn't seem like the healthiest thing to do.

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_01]: What are your thoughts on this way and stuff?

[00:08:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Is that something we should be focusing on?

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's very individual.

[00:08:09] [SPEAKER_00]: So again, it's your relationship with what it's like to get on the scale.

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_00]: So if you feel that every time you get on the scale, it's going to dictate how you feel

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_00]: that day and how you act and what's going on with you, then that's not a healthy

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_00]: relationship with the scale.

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_00]: And in that respect, I would distance from it.

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_00]: If you can get to the space where you can get on the scale and that's data and you're

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_00]: just tracking data, then that can be very interesting because there's there's different

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_00]: rules of thought, whether you weigh daily or weekly or monthly or not at all.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_00]: And any of them can be fine, but it's what's going to work for you.

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Some people are very, very motivated by the numbers.

[00:08:47] [SPEAKER_00]: But because our weights fluctuate so much for so many different things, if you're only

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_00]: weighing in once a month, once a week, things like that, you don't know where you are

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_00]: in that fluctuation.

[00:08:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And so again, if you kind of have an unhealthy relationship with the scale and when you get

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_00]: on, it's going to dictate how you feel that day and what actions you take that day.

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And you happen to get on as a part of the month or whatever day it was that you were

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_00]: retaining more water or whatever happened, or maybe you ate some more carbs the night

[00:09:16] [SPEAKER_00]: before. There's so many things, all of our different hormones, like so many things go

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_00]: into what the scale shows that that can also really throw you off.

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Whereas if you got on the day after, it might show five pounds difference.

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Like it can be that dramatic sometimes.

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And so in that respect, if you can get to that space where you can just get on the scale

[00:09:38] [SPEAKER_00]: to see the weight and see the trends and then notice that the trends are moving in the

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_00]: direction you want to, that can be a really healthy space.

[00:09:45] [SPEAKER_00]: But again, that kind of all comes back to the mindset and fixing your relationship with

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_00]: the scale so that doesn't matter what that scale says.

[00:09:53] [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't affect how you're going to go about your day.

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Mmm.

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_01]: That's so insightful.

[00:10:00] [SPEAKER_01]: We're all different, right?

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_01]: I love that you're talking about that for some people.

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Like you say, it is a data point.

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just thinking back for me.

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I went through a phase where I was weighing daily and I had this graph on Excel and I

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_01]: was plotting all the things and could see the trend.

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_01]: And it was motivating.

[00:10:17] [SPEAKER_01]: But I've also had times in my life where, yeah, the relationship with the scale wasn't

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_01]: great. So weighing in daily wasn't really the best for me.

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_01]: But I think often we measure our success based on what the scales say.

[00:10:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. Are there other ways we can measure our success?

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, there's so many other ways to measure success.

[00:10:40] [SPEAKER_00]: So I mean, and you can even take whether we're talking about success just in terms of

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_00]: body size, body composition or even success in terms of how you're feeling.

[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Right. Because I mean, you talked about that you've lost 20 kilos in three months or so

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_00]: and that's very fast.

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Right. But were you happy along the way?

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Were you happy with the things that you were doing?

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not really.

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_00]: The only thing is it's coming off that fast.

[00:11:05] [SPEAKER_00]: There's not a whole lot of happiness going on in there.

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_00]: So that's a way to measure, right?

[00:11:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Like I talk to people all the time, you know, what if you could take off and I'm

[00:11:15] [SPEAKER_00]: familiar with pounds, but what if you could take off like all the weight that you wanted

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_00]: to in the next month, but you are going to be miserable every single day?

[00:11:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Do you want to be miserable every single day or would you like to go about your life,

[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_00]: feel pretty good and it's going to take a little bit longer?

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I haven't had anybody tell me that they actually want to be miserable.

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Right. Yeah, absolutely.

[00:11:41] [SPEAKER_01]: When you frame it like that, it's like, well, no, I don't want to be miserable at all.

[00:11:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Right. And so I equated to kind of taking the scenic route or even like if you're on a

[00:11:49] [SPEAKER_00]: road trip, like do you want to drive 24 hours and not sleep?

[00:11:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Like do you want to like pry yourself open and just sit there misery for 24 hours?

[00:11:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Or would you like to take the scenic route and see the ocean?

[00:12:00] [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to take you a little longer to get there, but you've had a good time.

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_00]: You're listening to your tunes, you're playing car games, whatever.

[00:12:06] [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's that's so much more so again, measuring success.

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Are we measuring it just based on weight?

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Are we measuring it based on quality of life?

[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Are we measuring it based on health?

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Because there's so many different ways to measure from the beginning.

[00:12:20] [SPEAKER_00]: But even if it's coming down to just your body size, like it doesn't have to be the

[00:12:25] [SPEAKER_00]: scale. And in fact, the scale is not that reliable.

[00:12:28] [SPEAKER_00]: As we said, there's so many other things that go into it.

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Whereas your clothes make a really good base.

[00:12:35] [SPEAKER_00]: How your clothes fit.

[00:12:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Actually taking pictures of yourself because you think the scale is unreliable.

[00:12:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Looking at yourself in the mirror is also very unreliable.

[00:12:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. But with a picture, you can step away from it and get a little bit more

[00:12:50] [SPEAKER_00]: concrete, objective data.

[00:12:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And you can see things and I am not immune to this.

[00:12:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Like I'll be like, I don't see any changes going on.

[00:12:58] [SPEAKER_00]: They'll look at your pictures.

[00:12:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, whoa.

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Whoa. I had no idea that happened.

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. You can't ignore the evidence in front of you, right?

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. But well, you can when it's in a mirror.

[00:13:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Like mirrors. We're so used to seeing what we expect to see that we can not see what's

[00:13:17] [SPEAKER_00]: clearly in front of us basically.

[00:13:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[00:13:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And that makes me think of body dysmorphia.

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, very much.

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_01]: To varying extents.

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_01]: We've probably all had an experience with that.

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_01]: So for our listeners who aren't familiar, can you talk us through what body dysmorphia is?

[00:13:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely. So body dysmorphia is not seeing an accurate portrait of how you actually look.

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_00]: So let's say you look into the mirror and you are actually thin, but you only see

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_00]: yourself as an overweight person or to whatever degree that is.

[00:13:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you're curvy, but you only see yourself as a rail.

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever vision you have in your head, you will see that in the mirror, even though

[00:14:05] [SPEAKER_00]: that's not an accurate portrait of what's going on.

[00:14:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's not what other people are seeing.

[00:14:09] [SPEAKER_00]: But we can get so caught up in our own heads.

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_00]: And usually this will come from especially if we were heavier and we've lost weight.

[00:14:17] [SPEAKER_00]: It's very difficult to accept and see ourselves for the new weight that we are.

[00:14:23] [SPEAKER_00]: How do we work through that?

[00:14:25] [SPEAKER_01]: How do we work through the body dysmorphia to have a more, I'm not sure what the right

[00:14:30] [SPEAKER_01]: word is, but a healthier relationship with our body?

[00:14:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Healthier, more accurate.

[00:14:35] [SPEAKER_00]: And that really does go back into the mindset pieces and concrete items.

[00:14:40] [SPEAKER_00]: It helps to see in pictures a little bit, but even in pictures you can look and still

[00:14:45] [SPEAKER_00]: see what you see in your mind.

[00:14:48] [SPEAKER_00]: So just really getting in touch with who you are on the inside and recognizing what's

[00:14:54] [SPEAKER_00]: going on and how you're feeling and just showing yourself a lot more self-love and

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_00]: self-empathy.

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_00]: And then you kind of break down these old barriers and these old beliefs that you are

[00:15:04] [SPEAKER_00]: a vision that you're not anymore.

[00:15:06] [SPEAKER_00]: And you start to create that new vision in your mind.

[00:15:09] [SPEAKER_00]: And then you can actually see it in your reality.

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_01]: It's not surface level, is it?

[00:15:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Like this is really deep work and I'm definitely guilty of this.

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_01]: We often want a quick fix, like get the weight off, let's go.

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Woohoo.

[00:15:25] [SPEAKER_01]: But like he was saying before, do you want to be miserable?

[00:15:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Because that's probably what's going to happen for someone like me.

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_01]: I love food.

[00:15:32] [SPEAKER_01]: I love cooking.

[00:15:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I love the flavors.

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_01]: And when I want a quick fix and I'm restricting calories, it is miserable.

[00:15:39] [SPEAKER_01]: I can't enjoy my food.

[00:15:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm cutting out carbs or whatever it is.

[00:15:44] [SPEAKER_01]: So I would love to know more about your approach because I guess calories are part of

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_01]: the picture.

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Would you agree?

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Like, yeah, absolutely.

[00:15:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[00:15:54] [SPEAKER_00]: In order to lose weight, you do have to be in a caloric deficit.

[00:15:57] [SPEAKER_00]: But there are lots of ways to be in a caloric deficit.

[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, one of the other problems that comes with just calorie restriction is that our

[00:16:05] [SPEAKER_00]: bodies do not like to have calorie restriction.

[00:16:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Besides the emotional part of it, physically, our bodies will have a lot of counteractive

[00:16:15] [SPEAKER_00]: responses, whereas our metabolism will slow and we will move less and things will shut

[00:16:21] [SPEAKER_00]: down more.

[00:16:22] [SPEAKER_00]: And so we won't burn as many calories as we were because our bodies are worried about

[00:16:27] [SPEAKER_00]: our safety and they're not sure when we're going to get calories again.

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_00]: And so it will do everything it can to slow down for survival because that's way more

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_00]: important to our body than our gene size.

[00:16:38] [SPEAKER_00]: So even just restricting calories to an extreme is going to have some different responses

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_00]: from our bodies that is going to be unfavorable.

[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Then there's the emotional side, which is equally or more important in that it's hard.

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_00]: It's miserable, especially when you take away all the things that you like.

[00:16:57] [SPEAKER_00]: You mentioned cutting out carbs, like cutting out any food group is going to be a

[00:17:02] [SPEAKER_00]: challenge.

[00:17:03] [SPEAKER_00]: And there are people who can choose to do things, like people who choose to do keto or

[00:17:10] [SPEAKER_00]: choose to do low carb.

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_00]: And if that feels good to you, that's an entirely different thing.

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_00]: If you have a positive association with what you're doing, that's not restriction, that's

[00:17:18] [SPEAKER_00]: choice.

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_00]: And so when you're making a choice to eat different or to eat less or to eat less

[00:17:25] [SPEAKER_00]: processed things and more natural things, that's an entirely different experience than

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_00]: restricting yourself.

[00:17:31] [SPEAKER_00]: But they're both less calories.

[00:17:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's a huge mindset shift.

[00:17:36] [SPEAKER_01]: And I guess that's what you do.

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_01]: And I love what you're saying about we have a choice, you know, in this thing of

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_01]: restriction versus, well, hey, actually, this feels really good for my body.

[00:17:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Your reason for doing it is very different.

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_01]: So what would you say to people who go, oh, I don't have a choice.

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_01]: I just have to do it this way?

[00:17:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:18:00] [SPEAKER_00]: So the first step is to recognize that they do have choices.

[00:18:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_00]: And so and part of that is accepting responsibility for the choices we are making, which can be

[00:18:10] [SPEAKER_00]: a hard hurdle for some people to get over.

[00:18:13] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, but we all have choices.

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_00]: We all make choices.

[00:18:16] [SPEAKER_00]: We've all made certain choices that have got us to where we are today.

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_00]: And absolutely no judgment to any of those choices.

[00:18:24] [SPEAKER_00]: And lots of different things come up in life that lead us to make the choices that we do.

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_00]: But we are still making the choices.

[00:18:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's an empowering thing because it means we can make other choices as opposed to

[00:18:34] [SPEAKER_00]: the fact that we're just stuck with where we are and there's nothing we can do about it.

[00:18:39] [SPEAKER_00]: We get to make those choices.

[00:18:40] [SPEAKER_00]: They're not always going to be easy, but we can make them easier or harder.

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_00]: So we can learn how to make them easier for ourselves.

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_00]: But the first step is really building that awareness and accepting the responsibility,

[00:18:53] [SPEAKER_00]: really, that we do have a choice.

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_01]: What do you think about the reasons women want to lose weight?

[00:19:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Because I feel like there's a few different ones in there.

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_01]: And is there a particular one that is more sustainable or more healthy or more positive

[00:19:18] [SPEAKER_01]: than others?

[00:19:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Or is it, again, more personalized?

[00:19:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think the reason itself is really personalized.

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_00]: My biggest point there is that it's got to be your reason.

[00:19:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[00:19:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Like if you want to lose weight because somebody else is putting pressure on you or

[00:19:33] [SPEAKER_00]: because you feel like you should or because you saw somebody on Instagram that looks

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_00]: different and things like that, like if it's very external, that's going to be an

[00:19:40] [SPEAKER_00]: entirely different experience.

[00:19:41] [SPEAKER_00]: But any internal motivation that you have, whether it's for an event or to get healthy

[00:19:49] [SPEAKER_00]: or to whatever it is, doesn't matter.

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_00]: If it's important to you, then that's what matters.

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_00]: And then it can be more helpful to have things that are longer term.

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_00]: So I got a lot of, I'm familiar with a lot of women that are like, I'm getting

[00:20:05] [SPEAKER_00]: married.

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, great.

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_00]: That's congratulations.

[00:20:08] [SPEAKER_00]: When is it?

[00:20:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Like three weeks.

[00:20:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, that's awesome.

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, whereas other women will come like I'm getting married in six months and

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I just, I want to use this as my motivation.

[00:20:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I've been wanting to do this for a long time, but now it's more important to me and

[00:20:24] [SPEAKER_00]: I have this timeframe, you know, and something like that, that can be really

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_00]: inspiring.

[00:20:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Something I've, I thought of when you saying that it has to be your reason.

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I'll share one of my experiences.

[00:20:36] [SPEAKER_01]: So earlier this year, I found out I have fatty liver disease and you know, it's

[00:20:43] [SPEAKER_01]: probably because I've gained a lot of weight.

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_01]: My diet isn't the healthiest.

[00:20:49] [SPEAKER_01]: And the doctor's advice was you need to limit your fat intake to 10 grams a day.

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_01]: And I left the conversation feeling scared because I wasn't really educated properly

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_01]: by the doctor about what fatty liver disease was and what control I had over it.

[00:21:11] [SPEAKER_01]: And also just freaking out, like how am I possibly going to limit myself to 10 grams

[00:21:16] [SPEAKER_01]: of fat a day?

[00:21:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I felt so helpless and the negative self-talk was huge.

[00:21:25] [SPEAKER_01]: So let's talk about this negative self-talk because I feel like I'm not alone there.

[00:21:30] [SPEAKER_00]: You are not alone.

[00:21:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Not even close.

[00:21:34] [SPEAKER_00]: And so what was, what was coming up for you?

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of shame.

[00:21:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Like how did I let it get to this point?

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm overweight.

[00:21:45] [SPEAKER_01]: It's, I've been eating so badly that I've got fatty liver disease.

[00:21:50] [SPEAKER_01]: It felt impossible.

[00:21:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I just, I felt really low.

[00:21:55] [SPEAKER_01]: I just felt like scum.

[00:21:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Like how could I let myself get here and how can I even get out of it?

[00:22:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Like it's impossible to limit to 10 grams of fat a day, or at least it felt that way to me.

[00:22:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And then when you felt that, what kind of ideas did you have about how you were going to move

[00:22:13] [SPEAKER_00]: forward or what you could do from that space?

[00:22:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Stuff it.

[00:22:18] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to eat what I want.

[00:22:21] [SPEAKER_01]: That was a huge one.

[00:22:23] [SPEAKER_01]: So very reactive response.

[00:22:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And that's actually something I've done a lot in the past.

[00:22:28] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I look at myself in the mirror and I'm disgusted by it.

[00:22:33] [SPEAKER_01]: And rather than making some positive changes, I'll just fall into, you know, binge eating has been a

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_01]: recurring thing for me.

[00:22:41] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'll fall into that pattern.

[00:22:43] [SPEAKER_01]: And it doesn't feel good.

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_01]: It does not feel good, but that's a recurring pattern for me.

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_00]: And so part of, part of the neuroscience that we get into is really learn about how our brains work

[00:22:57] [SPEAKER_00]: and react and things like that.

[00:22:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And so when you're into those, those negative feelings that shame and that kind of thing, then you don't

[00:23:04] [SPEAKER_00]: have access to the part of it's an entirely different part of your brain.

[00:23:07] [SPEAKER_00]: It's in a more survival mode.

[00:23:08] [SPEAKER_00]: That's where those negative emotions are.

[00:23:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Whereas our more positive emotions are on the other side of our brain.

[00:23:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's where we have the clarity and the insight to come up with solutions and to have a positive

[00:23:19] [SPEAKER_00]: outlook about what's going on.

[00:23:20] [SPEAKER_00]: But when you're in that space where it doesn't feel good, then it's going to lead you to do other

[00:23:26] [SPEAKER_00]: things that don't feel good.

[00:23:28] [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to, you know, and that's how we get into that momentum and that spiral versus if you were

[00:23:33] [SPEAKER_00]: able to, if you had the tools, had the guidance to recognize that like this, this is the situation as it

[00:23:42] [SPEAKER_00]: is right now, but it's not forever.

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_00]: And these are the steps that you can take.

[00:23:46] [SPEAKER_00]: And this is how we can talk through it about like, okay, what might've led you to get here?

[00:23:50] [SPEAKER_00]: What can lead you out of here?

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Then all these things can help you get over and work from the other side of your mind that has the access

[00:23:58] [SPEAKER_00]: to the more positive things and then create a different outcome from there.

[00:24:02] [SPEAKER_00]: But it's a such a common situation.

[00:24:05] [SPEAKER_00]: I, you're reminding me of a client I had that she, she's fortunately still continues to do really well,

[00:24:10] [SPEAKER_00]: but she was making all these lifestyle changes and things were going really well, but she, she had a,

[00:24:16] [SPEAKER_00]: she had like a weird EKG and that showed that she might have some, some blockage.

[00:24:22] [SPEAKER_00]: And so she ended up going to the cardiologist, spoiler alert, everything was fine.

[00:24:26] [SPEAKER_00]: But when she went to the cardiologist, the cardiologist, she told the cardiologist all about the

[00:24:31] [SPEAKER_00]: wonderful lifestyle changes she was making.

[00:24:33] [SPEAKER_00]: And she was, she was making small, consistent changes, moving in the right direction and feeling good

[00:24:38] [SPEAKER_00]: about what she was doing.

[00:24:39] [SPEAKER_00]: It's exactly the way you do it.

[00:24:41] [SPEAKER_00]: That's how you make lifestyle changes.

[00:24:44] [SPEAKER_00]: And the cardiologist was like, yeah, but you're not doing this, this, this, this, this, this, and this.

[00:24:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Whoa.

[00:24:50] [SPEAKER_00]: And so she walked out of that feeling like what the, you know, it's like all she wanted to do was go to

[00:24:56] [SPEAKER_00]: the local fast food and get everything on the menu because that felt like crap and she's doing her best

[00:25:02] [SPEAKER_00]: to change things and it's not enough.

[00:25:04] [SPEAKER_00]: And the cardiologist tried to scare her.

[00:25:06] [SPEAKER_00]: And fortunately we were working together.

[00:25:08] [SPEAKER_00]: So we got to talk through that and to, to unravel that and how that works.

[00:25:13] [SPEAKER_00]: But that happens to so many people, especially when you, whether, whether you've gotten to a space

[00:25:18] [SPEAKER_00]: where you are starting to make changes or even if you haven't, anytime that negative self-talk comes

[00:25:23] [SPEAKER_00]: in, or even if it's preceded by somebody else's negativity.

[00:25:26] [SPEAKER_00]: But when we get that negative self-talk on ourselves, it never leads to a positive situation.

[00:25:33] [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't lead to a positive outcome, right?

[00:25:35] [SPEAKER_00]: We have to go from the negative into enough of neutral space so that we can get over to a positive

[00:25:41] [SPEAKER_00]: space.

[00:25:42] [SPEAKER_00]: But if we stay in the negative, that's why we can't hate ourselves into changing, right?

[00:25:47] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're not long-term, yeah.

[00:25:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe like for a short time you'd be like, I suck.

[00:25:53] [SPEAKER_00]: This is awful.

[00:25:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to do these things.

[00:25:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, sure.

[00:25:55] [SPEAKER_00]: That's not going to last.

[00:25:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Right.

[00:25:57] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's miserable.

[00:25:58] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to go down that road.

[00:25:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not guiding anybody down that road.

[00:26:01] [SPEAKER_00]: But if we get into a space again where we can start to quiet that negative self-talk, start to feel

[00:26:09] [SPEAKER_00]: neutral, and then we get from neutral into more and more positive.

[00:26:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And then we want to do the things that you want to look for the solutions, want to figure out what you

[00:26:17] [SPEAKER_00]: can do, how you can manage.

[00:26:19] [SPEAKER_00]: If the 10 grams is even like that's a necessity or just something the doctors threw out, right?

[00:26:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Because that's the other beautiful part about these doctors is they don't know all the things about

[00:26:29] [SPEAKER_00]: nutrition.

[00:26:29] [SPEAKER_00]: I was going to say that.

[00:26:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[00:26:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Like this cardiologist, I wanted to have a chat with her.

[00:26:36] [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, how dare you talk to people like this?

[00:26:41] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:26:41] [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's really important because I'm sure a lot of us have had similar experiences with

[00:26:47] [SPEAKER_01]: health professionals.

[00:26:49] [SPEAKER_01]: You've really got to stand up for yourself and do your own research just because they're a doctor

[00:26:54] [SPEAKER_01]: doesn't mean they know everything.

[00:26:57] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, when I did my own research about fatty liver, it's not about restricting your fat at all.

[00:27:04] [SPEAKER_01]: In fact, if you lose just 10% of your body weight, it makes a huge difference.

[00:27:09] [SPEAKER_01]: If you start exercising, it makes a difference.

[00:27:11] [SPEAKER_01]: So once I discovered that, I was like, hey, that's achievable.

[00:27:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Losing 10% of my body weight.

[00:27:18] [SPEAKER_01]: OK, I can do that.

[00:27:20] [SPEAKER_01]: So I really encourage people to do research.

[00:27:26] [SPEAKER_01]: It's not about ignoring what health professionals say.

[00:27:29] [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's valid to hear them, but don't take it at face value.

[00:27:34] [SPEAKER_01]: That doctor who told me limit your fat intake to 10 grams when I looked at the research, it was

[00:27:40] [SPEAKER_01]: actually wrong.

[00:27:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it's such a disservice, but I mean, there's better and less good practitioners all the

[00:27:48] [SPEAKER_00]: spaces.

[00:27:49] [SPEAKER_00]: So again, it kind of comes back to recognize we have to accept responsibility for our own choice.

[00:27:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Right, right.

[00:27:58] [SPEAKER_01]: You spoke about getting into this mutual stage before you start moving into the positive.

[00:28:05] [SPEAKER_01]: How do we start?

[00:28:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Is it something we can start by ourselves?

[00:28:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, absolutely.

[00:28:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And so and so we teach a way that is very accessible.

[00:28:16] [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, it just takes you out of that recurring thought pattern and just gets you into your body

[00:28:21] [SPEAKER_00]: for a moment just so you can just get a sense of peace.

[00:28:25] [SPEAKER_00]: And it only takes 10 seconds.

[00:28:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And they have actually done a ton of research so they can see this on functional MRI machines, like

[00:28:31] [SPEAKER_00]: the part of your brain that is with negative emotions.

[00:28:33] [SPEAKER_00]: When that lights up, you get into this PQ apps and you take that pause.

[00:28:38] [SPEAKER_00]: That side quiets down and then you can light up the side that has more access to your positive

[00:28:42] [SPEAKER_00]: emotions.

[00:28:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Wow.

[00:28:44] Yeah.

[00:28:44] [SPEAKER_01]: And what I love so much about it is that you don't need to dedicate hours to it, right?

[00:28:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Just me doing it for whatever it was, 10 seconds might have even been less.

[00:28:56] [SPEAKER_01]: It made a difference because I think a lot of us say we don't have the time.

[00:29:02] [SPEAKER_01]: I have a few thoughts on that.

[00:29:05] [SPEAKER_01]: But for those people, like, come on, we've all got 10 seconds.

[00:29:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I think I think we can invest in that.

[00:29:11] [SPEAKER_01]: But let's go back to the, I call it an excuse.

[00:29:15] [SPEAKER_01]: And I want to hear your thoughts when people say, I don't have time.

[00:29:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it kind of comes back to the awareness and taking responsibility for making choices.

[00:29:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Because no matter how much time and demands you have on you, one, you do have 10 seconds.

[00:29:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't believe anybody doesn't have 10 seconds.

[00:29:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we do recommend trying to practice this up to 15 minutes a day, but in two minute

[00:29:39] [SPEAKER_00]: intervals.

[00:29:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Right. And so like, I do it when I'm driving my car, like on my steering wheel, I just

[00:29:44] [SPEAKER_00]: like really feel into the steering wheel.

[00:29:45] [SPEAKER_00]: And so you can just get so used to this and focusing on it that it can just become part

[00:29:50] [SPEAKER_00]: of your day.

[00:29:51] [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's not that you don't need to take yourself out.

[00:29:53] [SPEAKER_00]: You can still live your life and focus into doing these PQ reps.

[00:29:57] [SPEAKER_00]: So you do have the time.

[00:29:59] [SPEAKER_00]: It takes practice and it takes being aware and taking focus.

[00:30:04] [SPEAKER_00]: But the time part is that's a choice.

[00:30:07] [SPEAKER_00]: You can choose to do it.

[00:30:09] [SPEAKER_01]: I agree.

[00:30:11] [SPEAKER_01]: And there's a choice when we choose not to do something, right?

[00:30:15] [SPEAKER_01]: That's still a choice.

[00:30:17] [SPEAKER_01]: And our choices always have a consequence.

[00:30:24] [SPEAKER_01]: This time of year, I think this is highly relevant.

[00:30:27] [SPEAKER_01]: New Year's resolutions.

[00:30:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[00:30:30] [SPEAKER_01]: What do you think about it?

[00:30:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Because I know for a lot of people there's going to be some weight loss or food related

[00:30:37] [SPEAKER_01]: goals on there.

[00:30:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:30:39] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I actually was just reading up on the fact that there is a psychological study or

[00:30:45] [SPEAKER_00]: thing, but there is a thing called the fresh start effect.

[00:30:48] [SPEAKER_00]: And so the concept and it can be anything.

[00:30:51] [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't have to be January 1st.

[00:30:52] [SPEAKER_00]: So it's not like we can only do things at New Year's.

[00:30:54] [SPEAKER_00]: We can build on the momentum.

[00:30:56] [SPEAKER_00]: So like the fresh start effect, whether like birthdays, Mondays, like these things can

[00:31:01] [SPEAKER_00]: give us an extra boost to make the changes that we want to make.

[00:31:05] [SPEAKER_00]: But it still goes into making changes that are reasonable and easy enough and not going

[00:31:11] [SPEAKER_00]: to make you miserable.

[00:31:12] [SPEAKER_00]: And that really mattered to you.

[00:31:13] [SPEAKER_00]: So we talked about weight loss goals, whatever intrinsic motivation that you have is

[00:31:18] [SPEAKER_00]: that's fine.

[00:31:19] [SPEAKER_00]: There's no judgment to whatever it is that's motivating you.

[00:31:22] [SPEAKER_00]: But if you're just doing it because somebody else has mentioned it, then that's not going

[00:31:26] [SPEAKER_00]: to work quite as well for you.

[00:31:28] [SPEAKER_00]: But with that, then we want to practice all of the other ways that we know about healthy

[00:31:33] [SPEAKER_00]: behavior change that makes a lifestyle change.

[00:31:36] [SPEAKER_00]: So making it easy enough, starting off small, adding a little bit at a time, doing things

[00:31:41] [SPEAKER_00]: like changing your association to things so that you're not doing things you don't want

[00:31:45] [SPEAKER_00]: to do. You're changing the reason you want to do certain things.

[00:31:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Or like I've been doing this with ladies with exercise forever and like they were

[00:31:53] [SPEAKER_00]: referred to it as a fairy fitness dust.

[00:31:56] [SPEAKER_00]: But that women will come to me like, I hate exercising.

[00:31:58] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, oh really?

[00:31:59] [SPEAKER_00]: What have you done?

[00:32:00] [SPEAKER_00]: They're like, you know, all these things.

[00:32:01] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, did you enjoy it?

[00:32:02] [SPEAKER_00]: They're like, no. I'm like, well, that makes sense.

[00:32:05] [SPEAKER_00]: But you hate that.

[00:32:07] [SPEAKER_00]: But if you actually enjoy it and then they come back like, oh, this is the first time

[00:32:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I've ever actually enjoyed exercise.

[00:32:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, yeah, I know.

[00:32:17] [SPEAKER_00]: She said humbly.

[00:32:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. But it's a very different like there's and maybe because I grew up that way,

[00:32:24] [SPEAKER_00]: we're like, I don't have the greatest eye hand coordination and not very good at sports

[00:32:29] [SPEAKER_00]: and there's a lot of things I don't like doing.

[00:32:32] [SPEAKER_00]: And so it took me a while to find exercise that I enjoyed.

[00:32:36] [SPEAKER_00]: And so but once I found something I enjoyed, then I ran with it.

[00:32:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, okay, finally.

[00:32:41] [SPEAKER_00]: But there's also, you know, there's a different mindset around finding things that

[00:32:44] [SPEAKER_00]: you enjoy too.

[00:32:45] [SPEAKER_00]: So it's not that we all have to enjoy every single thing, but I do not believe that

[00:32:51] [SPEAKER_00]: there's not something that somebody couldn't enjoy in terms of moving their body as

[00:32:55] [SPEAKER_00]: long as you're open to it, which is a different mindset piece.

[00:33:01] [SPEAKER_01]: I think it ties in with this concept of feeling like we should do something rather

[00:33:06] [SPEAKER_01]: than wanting to do something.

[00:33:09] [SPEAKER_01]: So for me, I've always felt pressure that I should be doing cardio.

[00:33:14] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I hate cardio.

[00:33:16] [SPEAKER_01]: It's miserable.

[00:33:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I hate running.

[00:33:18] [SPEAKER_01]: I just I don't enjoy it.

[00:33:21] [SPEAKER_01]: But I've put my body through that because that's what I should be doing.

[00:33:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:33:25] [SPEAKER_01]: But when I discovered what I enjoy doing, I go, hey, this is what I want to do.

[00:33:31] [SPEAKER_01]: So for me, it was triathlons and sort of powerlifting style training.

[00:33:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I enjoyed it.

[00:33:38] [SPEAKER_01]: And guess what?

[00:33:39] [SPEAKER_01]: It made such a difference.

[00:33:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Why do we get caught up in this?

[00:33:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I should be doing this.

[00:33:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Where does that come from?

[00:33:48] [SPEAKER_00]: I think it comes from a lot of I mean, the thing there's so many shows based on

[00:33:52] [SPEAKER_00]: society or because somebody else likes it.

[00:33:54] [SPEAKER_00]: So, or somebody else got results on it, then I should be able to do it.

[00:33:57] [SPEAKER_00]: All sorts of places.

[00:34:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I can't even begin to understand where all the shows come from, but I know they're out there.

[00:34:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I know a lot better about how to get over the shits than where they come from.

[00:34:08] [SPEAKER_00]: But I had a similar experience with cardio.

[00:34:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Like I hate cardio machine as a treadmill.

[00:34:15] [SPEAKER_00]: That's the only way that I could be fit.

[00:34:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I'd have so many problems, but I love to dance.

[00:34:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Dancing is amazing.

[00:34:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I would dance for 24 hours straight and it would just be pure fun.

[00:34:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I might be exaggerating there, but dancing is amazing.

[00:34:28] [SPEAKER_00]: That is not cardio to me.

[00:34:29] [SPEAKER_00]: That is just fun.

[00:34:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And oh, am I getting all the cardiovascular benefits?

[00:34:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.

[00:34:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Yay.

[00:34:34] [SPEAKER_00]: That's great.

[00:34:35] [SPEAKER_00]: I think the other piece that unfortunate is that people sort of resign into feeling like they have to do something.

[00:34:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Like a lot of times, like somebody else, I know this happens with diets all the time.

[00:34:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Like, oh, so-and-so lost 30 pounds off of this diet.

[00:34:50] [SPEAKER_00]: So it must work.

[00:34:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Now I have to do it.

[00:34:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Whereas it might have been something that that person enjoyed and you don't, or it might have been a crash diet and they'd lost it, but they're putting that back on too.

[00:35:03] [SPEAKER_00]: So like there's lots of other things, but I think so many people are like, well, like the doctor said I have to run on the treadmill.

[00:35:09] [SPEAKER_00]: So like, that's what I have to do as opposed to I going to take responsibility for myself and I'm going to keep looking at things until I can find something I like.

[00:35:19] [SPEAKER_00]: It's entirely different.

[00:35:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Scenario.

[00:35:22] [SPEAKER_00]: And if you, if you keep looking like there's so, so many things, like I just don't think it's possible to not find something that you like.

[00:35:30] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:35:31] [SPEAKER_01]: And you might not find it on the first try, right?

[00:35:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.

[00:35:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:35:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Exploring and lead with curiosity.

[00:35:36] [SPEAKER_01]: And as you say, there's got to be something out there.

[00:35:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[00:35:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[00:35:39] [SPEAKER_00]: You've got to, you've got to have a bit of an open mind.

[00:35:42] [SPEAKER_00]: And I think the other thing is really setting expectations because again, it's not like you're going to go from hating exercise to absolutely loving everything you run into.

[00:35:51] [SPEAKER_00]: But finding the positive aspects and then changing your association to whatever that is.

[00:35:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Like you said that you, you hate cardio, but triathlons, that's a lot of cardio.

[00:36:02] [SPEAKER_02]: What a hypocrite.

[00:36:04] [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I was thinking.

[00:36:08] [SPEAKER_00]: But you know, like you didn't like doing cardio in a specific way, but you broke out of that box and you're like, Oh, I absolutely love doing all these things.

[00:36:17] [SPEAKER_00]: These three cardio exercises.

[00:36:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:36:21] [SPEAKER_01]: It's amazing.

[00:36:22] [SPEAKER_01]: I truly believe we can all find that thing.

[00:36:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Just got to give it a go.

[00:36:25] [SPEAKER_01]: You don't know.

[00:36:26] [SPEAKER_01]: This is cliche, but you don't know unless you try.

[00:36:30] [SPEAKER_00]: It's been something that's absolutely changed my life.

[00:36:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I always knew that I wanted to dance, but I just wasn't fortunate to grow up dancing.

[00:36:38] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I went clubbing a lot in my college days.

[00:36:42] [SPEAKER_00]: That was fun.

[00:36:43] [SPEAKER_00]: And then Zumba became a thing.

[00:36:45] [SPEAKER_00]: And so at first I was hiring another instructors to come teach it for me because I was so intimidated to teach it myself.

[00:36:51] [SPEAKER_00]: And it kind of worked out in my favor that it wasn't working out with the instructors and timings and things like that.

[00:36:57] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm like, all right, well, that's not working.

[00:36:58] [SPEAKER_00]: I could either cancel this altogether or I could just teach it.

[00:37:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And I was enjoying taking it.

[00:37:03] [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm like, I don't want to cancel it.

[00:37:04] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I started teaching it and that was just another quantum leap of absolute joy and wonder and so much fun that I'm really happy that I tested that and went for it.

[00:37:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's amazing.

[00:37:23] [SPEAKER_01]: It sounds like you've kind of always been an entrepreneur.

[00:37:27] [SPEAKER_01]: You did start in the corporate world, but you've done a lot of fitness training and coaching people and all sorts of things.

[00:37:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Did that feel natural for you making the leap into being your own boss?

[00:37:42] [SPEAKER_01]: How did that happen?

[00:37:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Looking back on it, it feels like it was natural the whole time.

[00:37:49] [SPEAKER_00]: But it was interesting.

[00:37:49] [SPEAKER_00]: I was just having this conversation not that long ago where in hindsight, it feels like everything fell into place and it was all roses and beautiful and amazing.

[00:38:00] [SPEAKER_00]: And I sat and thought about it didn't quite feel like that in the moment.

[00:38:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Now that it's successful, I'm like, oh yeah, it was perfect.

[00:38:09] [SPEAKER_00]: But I will say, another thing I've come into is when I first started and when I got into the fitness world, I sort of flew by the seat of my pants and learned everything on the internet.

[00:38:23] [SPEAKER_00]: But I didn't hire coaches at that time.

[00:38:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And I made it work out.

[00:38:28] [SPEAKER_00]: It was bumpy, but I made it work out.

[00:38:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And this time with getting into the coaching, I've actually hired the business coaches and trying to do it a little bit more advised.

[00:38:37] [SPEAKER_00]: And for sure, 100%, this is so much easier.

[00:38:43] [SPEAKER_00]: But what I've learned is, so I'm around so many other entrepreneurs now.

[00:38:49] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know when I became an entrepreneur, what the failure rate was.

[00:38:54] [SPEAKER_00]: I did not understand how much people don't usually succeed as an entrepreneur.

[00:39:00] [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that was very beneficial.

[00:39:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I think that sort of ignorant bliss was really, really helpful for me.

[00:39:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Because when I went into it and when I became an entrepreneur, it was very new with me really understanding the law of attraction.

[00:39:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And so for me, for the most part, I'm not pretending it wasn't bumpy and rocky and I didn't do it the hard way and it could have been easier.

[00:39:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Like all those things are true.

[00:39:25] [SPEAKER_00]: But I also believe that for all of those things, my experience of it was actually really quite wonderful.

[00:39:36] [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that that was so much of being led by the law of attraction and my trust in that and just understanding that and going into that.

[00:39:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I know I just threw a whole different wrench into what we were talking about, but it has so much to do with what made me feel confident in becoming an entrepreneur.

[00:39:50] [SPEAKER_00]: And I started in one city, one state, and I grew my business for like a year and a half and I'm like, I'm moving.

[00:39:57] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I started all over again.

[00:39:59] [SPEAKER_00]: And I just knew when I got here, I just, I had to, this was brand new.

[00:40:05] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I had to find an apartment, I had to put together my business, I had to get the clients, like starting from scratch.

[00:40:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And I was just not scared at all.

[00:40:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Like I was just like, that's fine, it'll all work out.

[00:40:15] [SPEAKER_00]: And so those are the parts that I remember really well.

[00:40:18] [SPEAKER_00]: I also remember those super late nights of doing the hard work and making it work out.

[00:40:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I do remember those, but in hindsight, it feels like it was all meant to be and kind of on the easy side.

[00:40:32] [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't in the moment.

[00:40:33] [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't.

[00:40:34] [SPEAKER_01]: It's funny how we remember things.

[00:40:38] [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm so happy.

[00:40:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Like I can't imagine another way at this point.

[00:40:43] [SPEAKER_00]: And I've been an entrepreneur for the majority of my career.

[00:40:46] [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, it would be so, so unfamiliar to go into a different situation.

[00:40:54] [SPEAKER_01]: This is a bit of a loaded question, but has life been better since being an entrepreneur compared to how it was before?

[00:41:02] [SPEAKER_01]: A thousand percent.

[00:41:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:41:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:41:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[00:41:05] [SPEAKER_00]: And even like I said, there were the rocky times, but to get to where I am now, like nothing is worth not getting here.

[00:41:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Like I love here.

[00:41:15] [SPEAKER_00]: I love like the majority of my experience as an entrepreneur has just, I mean, it's one of those things that like it feels freeing even when you're working all the time.

[00:41:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Like there's that sort of scenario.

[00:41:28] [SPEAKER_00]: But really it's helped me become who I am so much.

[00:41:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Like I can't even describe the amounts of personal growth that I've gotten as a direct result of the line of work that I'm in.

[00:41:40] [SPEAKER_00]: And so, and part of that's probably the entrepreneur and part of that's probably the fitness and the coaching.

[00:41:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Like it all comes together.

[00:41:47] [SPEAKER_00]: But I would not ever trade the life experience that I've had going this way.

[00:41:53] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it must be pretty great if you've been doing it this long.

[00:41:56] [SPEAKER_01]: That's a very good indicator.

[00:41:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:41:58] [SPEAKER_01]: I like it.

[00:41:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Tell us about this random CD that you received at an EFT retreat.

[00:42:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think our listeners will love this story.

[00:42:12] [SPEAKER_00]: And so, as I said, I was on my own weight loss journey and having a really rough time at it.

[00:42:17] [SPEAKER_00]: And so EFT, which is the tapping, the acupressure kind of tapping, was sort of all the rage.

[00:42:25] [SPEAKER_00]: This was like 2006, 7, something like that.

[00:42:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I went to a retreat and it was quite an expensive one to go to this EFT thing that I thought was just going to change everything for me.

[00:42:37] [SPEAKER_00]: And like finally make weight loss feel easy and doable.

[00:42:40] [SPEAKER_00]: And like, I'd finally be able to restrict calories the way they told me to.

[00:42:45] [SPEAKER_00]: I'd be able to handle the misery.

[00:42:48] [SPEAKER_00]: But that's whatever it was.

[00:42:50] [SPEAKER_00]: I believe that this is going to be like the most life changing thing.

[00:42:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I went on this retreat and I was so disappointed.

[00:42:58] [SPEAKER_00]: I just I didn't feel like I got what I was looking for.

[00:43:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't thrilled about the EFT.

[00:43:04] [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't really connecting with me and no knocking to EFT.

[00:43:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Like so many people feel so much better.

[00:43:10] [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of people getting a lot of great experiences by it.

[00:43:13] [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't that experience for me.

[00:43:16] [SPEAKER_00]: But they gave a free CD as part of this very expensive retreat.

[00:43:23] [SPEAKER_00]: A free CD that I listened to on my way home.

[00:43:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And that CD happened to be Abraham Hicks.

[00:43:28] [SPEAKER_00]: And that is what taught me about the law of attraction.

[00:43:32] [SPEAKER_00]: And absolutely 1000% changed my life.

[00:43:37] [SPEAKER_00]: So indirectly I got exactly what I needed.

[00:43:41] [SPEAKER_00]: And also just proving that the law of attraction was doing its thing.

[00:43:46] [SPEAKER_01]: I was just going to say that.

[00:43:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I have a tradition on this podcast.

[00:43:49] [SPEAKER_01]: I like to end with a specific question.

[00:43:53] [SPEAKER_01]: So can you tell me what does freedom mean to you?

[00:44:00] [SPEAKER_00]: The first word that came to mind was just happiness.

[00:44:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I guess freedom can look a zillion different ways.

[00:44:06] [SPEAKER_00]: But if whatever you're practicing that feels free is going to feel happy.

[00:44:11] [SPEAKER_00]: As long as you've got happiness.

[00:44:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And I guess it goes the opposite way.

[00:44:15] [SPEAKER_00]: As long as you feel happiness, which you have control over, you can be free anywhere.

[00:44:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm thinking of like Nelson Mandela at this point.

[00:44:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not comparing myself to him by any means.

[00:44:24] [SPEAKER_00]: But the idea that like if you can, you can still be happy even if you're locked up

[00:44:29] [SPEAKER_00]: because you're in control of your own mind.

[00:44:31] [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, I'm going to stick to happiness and make it clear that I'm not comparing myself.

[00:44:38] [SPEAKER_01]: But why not?

[00:44:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Like we yeah, our mindset can make such a difference, you know, even in the most adverse

[00:44:47] [SPEAKER_01]: conditions, mindset can be such a game changer.

[00:44:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, Jaylen, so much.

[00:44:52] [SPEAKER_01]: It was such a great conversation.

[00:44:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.

[00:44:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:44:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Some of the key things that stood out for me is that our weight loss journeys are so

[00:45:03] [SPEAKER_01]: individual. And an example of that is weighing in for some people.

[00:45:07] [SPEAKER_01]: It's going to work weighing in daily.

[00:45:09] [SPEAKER_01]: For others, it's not.

[00:45:10] [SPEAKER_01]: And that's OK.

[00:45:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Do what works for you.

[00:45:14] [SPEAKER_01]: There's different ways of measuring success.

[00:45:15] [SPEAKER_01]: It's not always the scale.

[00:45:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Take progress photos.

[00:45:20] [SPEAKER_01]: That's been huge for me, actually.

[00:45:22] [SPEAKER_01]: I would definitely recommend that.

[00:45:24] [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, it might not be as effective for some people.

[00:45:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Again, it's individual.

[00:45:29] [SPEAKER_01]: It's individual.

[00:45:30] [SPEAKER_01]: And something that really stood out is that you need to do the things that feel good.

[00:45:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:45:38] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, and calorie restriction does not feel good.

[00:45:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I think we can all agree on that.

[00:45:43] [SPEAKER_01]: So find the things that feel good.

[00:45:46] [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, exercising is an important part of it.

[00:45:49] [SPEAKER_01]: And just explore.

[00:45:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Find the thing that you enjoy, because if you enjoy it, it's sustainable.

[00:45:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:45:55] [SPEAKER_01]: And this whole concept of small, consistent changes, you don't have to do it all

[00:46:01] [SPEAKER_01]: overnight, but it adds up when you're doing these small things.

[00:46:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[00:46:07] [SPEAKER_01]: And then the concept you mentioned about coming into a neutral space that really

[00:46:12] [SPEAKER_01]: resonated, I think.

[00:46:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:46:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Just drop the judgment a little bit.

[00:46:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Let's be neutral.

[00:46:19] [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, slowly but surely we will be able to shift into a more positive space.

[00:46:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.

[00:46:25] [SPEAKER_01]: It's yeah, it's a journey.

[00:46:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Before we sign out, there any parting words you want to share?

[00:46:31] [SPEAKER_01]: It's mostly women who listen to this podcast.

[00:46:33] [SPEAKER_01]: So are there any parting words you'd like to share with them specifically related to

[00:46:39] [SPEAKER_01]: the work that you do in the weight loss space?

[00:46:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, yeah.

[00:46:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you started to mention it was to let go of that judgment, which can be such a

[00:46:47] [SPEAKER_00]: challenging thing to do, right?

[00:46:49] [SPEAKER_00]: We all have an internal judge.

[00:46:51] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I really think that that's a good space to start with the PQ reps and just

[00:46:56] [SPEAKER_00]: doing the 10 seconds of just feeling anything.

[00:47:00] [SPEAKER_00]: So you can feel your own fingers, you can feel whatever's near your desk, your chair,

[00:47:04] [SPEAKER_00]: and just really focusing on what that feels like to just give yourself 10 seconds, 30

[00:47:09] [SPEAKER_00]: seconds away from that judgment voice.

[00:47:11] [SPEAKER_00]: If you keep practicing that, then you can let go of that judgment voice because that

[00:47:16] [SPEAKER_00]: voice is not, it's not helping you.

[00:47:18] [SPEAKER_00]: And I think we're so used to having it that we think it's impossible not to have.

[00:47:24] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's not true.

[00:47:25] [SPEAKER_00]: It's convinced us that we need it and that it will always be there.

[00:47:28] [SPEAKER_00]: But I can tell you from my own experience and my practice in this and from Shirzad

[00:47:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Shamim who designed the practice that I teach, he has researched over 500,000

[00:47:40] [SPEAKER_00]: people that you can absolutely quiet that judge and live a much more positive life.

[00:47:46] [SPEAKER_00]: That sounds amazing.

[00:47:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Sign me up.

[00:47:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Now, if people listening want to learn more, um, I will put Jaylen's contact

[00:47:58] [SPEAKER_01]: details in the description.

[00:47:59] [SPEAKER_01]: She's got a website and there's all across socials.

[00:48:02] [SPEAKER_01]: You've shared so much value in this episode, but I know you have so much more

[00:48:07] [SPEAKER_01]: to share, um, with others through the work that you do.

[00:48:10] [SPEAKER_01]: And honestly, I can't wait to have you back on.

[00:48:13] [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like this is going to happen again.

[00:48:15] [SPEAKER_01]: That'd be wonderful.

[00:48:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much.

[00:48:17] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.

[00:48:18] [SPEAKER_01]: If this episode resonated with you at all, could I please ask that you share it with

[00:48:22] [SPEAKER_01]: a friend who you think could get value from it?

[00:48:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And whilst you're doing that, make sure you follow and subscribe to the podcast so

[00:48:29] [SPEAKER_01]: that you never miss another episode.

[00:48:31] [SPEAKER_01]: And whilst you're following or subscribing, please leave us a rating, preferably five

[00:48:36] [SPEAKER_01]: stars, and also a written review.

[00:48:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Doing each of these things is going to help this podcast reach more people and

[00:48:45] [SPEAKER_01]: impact more lives, which is at the end of the day is what we're here to do.

[00:48:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much.

[00:48:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate you.

[00:48:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Remember you matter.

[00:48:55] [SPEAKER_01]: You're worth it.

[00:48:56] [SPEAKER_01]: And you are so, so capable.

[00:48:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Take care of yourself and I'll see you next week.